A fourteen year deja vu
by X-Edward-hasnt-met-me-yet-X
Summary: What happens when the most popular high school sweethearts break up only to meet again fourteen years later? Will love blossom again? Will they pick up where they left off? Will they be able to help each other mend the broken hearts that have been left be
1. Preface

Disclaimer: Nope, nada…this is torture—me having to admit that all this fabulosity (like the word

**Disclaimer: Nope, nada…this is torture—me having to admit that all this fabulosity (like the word?) isn't mine every time I post.. :'(**

**AN: Okay so I said that I wasn't going to post another story until I'd finished 'Crescent End' (check it out if you haven't already please—just go to my page) well I couldn't concentrate solely on that and the stories that I had in the back of my mind just had to be put down before they exploded. So here's my human fanfiction. Pretty please read and review…its not as bad as it may seem—promise!! **

A fourteen year déjà vu

_What happens when the most popular high school sweethearts break up only to meet again fourteen years later? Will love blossom again? Will they pick up where they left off? Will they be able to help each other mend the broken hearts that have been left behind?_

Preface

So much had changed yet everything was exactly the same. He walked into my life just as he had twenty ago when we first met in fifth hour biology in our junior year of high school. If he could walk in the same, surely he could walk back out just as easily as he had before. I don't know if I can take that risk. Back in high school things were different; I didn't have the responsibilities that I do today. I have a lot more to loose and the main part to my reasoning: I don't know if my heart can handle another breaking.


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Yes it is official Stephenie Meyer signed the deeds over to me cell phone rings Hold on a second have to take this…

**Disclaimer: Yes it is official Stephenie Meyer signed the deeds over to me cell phone rings Hold on a second have to take this…**

'**Hello…Oh hi Stephenie…what?...but you said…no, I understand…yeah, well thanks anyway…bye.'**

**Okay so no, it isn't mine, she changed her mind!**

**AN: I think I need a beta…anyone who's up for it please review or PM me please…**

Chapter 1

(Bella's point of view)

Today was the first day of my senior year at college and mine and Edward's sixth anniversary. There were so many people who told us that we'd never stay together through college—Jessica for example—and today i could throw it in their faces. Mine and Edward's last year of college and we're still going strong—nothing could break us apart.

I was lucky enough to get a single when I was accepted into Dartmouth—Edward's work of course—but no doubt there was no luck in it; more like a few hundred dollar bills. That's one of the only things Edward and I have ever disagreed on; Edward's family are rich and offered to pay my scholarship but I didn't want that—did it stop him? No. It can be a good thing that he can write in my handwriting better than I can myself but when it came to college applications, it definitely wasn't. None of that matter's anymore we were both graduating this year regardless to who has paid the bills. Having a single room meant that Edward spent most nights here instead of his own dorm. Last night he decided that he would go stay with Emmett—they needed a good catch up; after all Edward had spent the whole of summer vacation with me in Jacksonville, at my mom's place.

He was still going to pick me up at eight thirty this morning to take me for breakfast before going to our first lecture. Right now it was seven 'o' five and I had to hurry up and get ready before Alice decided that she would get me ready. Alice was my best friend; she had a room straight across the hall and she constantly felt the need to give me a make over and unquestionably she would find the need to continue that this year. With that in mind I hopped in the shower.

I came back out twenty minutes later to find a brand new outfit, shoes and accessories laid out on the bed along with a note propped up next to it. Before approaching the outfit I picked up the note and began to read.

**Hey Bells,**

**Welcome back senior. We have beyond a lot to catch up on but for now I had a feeling that you hadn't planned anything special to wear and that you'd just be wearing jeans and a plain black t-shirt. With that said, I took the liberty to buy you a new outfit—that will as always wow Edward and the rest of the male population in this school. After all now that Rosalie has left we are the hottest people in the school.**

**Put the clothes on I shall be back at half past to do your hair and make-up.**

**Love **

**Your favourite little pixie**

**A x**

Curse the day I gave her the key to my room so that she could put my bag in as I went around to Edward's. Why did she have to be the kind of person to get the key copied so that she could torture me every morning? You had to love her though—she was always right about things. I'm telling you, you'll never find me betting against Alice!

I had under five minutes left so I hastily put on the clothes and started to dry my hair. Alice was at the door at precisely seven thirty. Not only did she have a knack of knowing what was going to happen before the rest of us but she was also extremely speedy and didn't actually need a lot of speed to keep up the high level of energy that she held everyday.

"So time to spill, how was VK?" of course Alice wanted all the details before she even greeted me.

"Good morning to you too Alice. I'm quite alright; how about yourself?" I greeted sarcastically just to get her going.

"Good morning Bella. Now come on we don't have time—Edward will be here for you in an hour—so spill."

"Hold on, back up, how did you know Edward was coming to get me at half past eight?" What was the point of me even asking this question? Obviously she already knew.

She simply shook her head at me and sighed before answering. "I know everything; after all my name is Alice. He always comes to get you for breakfast at half eight when he doesn't stay round, and seeing as he was with Emmett and Jasper last night it is apparent that he did not stay here. How do I know that he was with Emmett and Jasper last night, you may ask? Well seeing as you and Edward aren't the only ones to have made it through the disaster that is college; you idiot—I'm still going out with Jasper!" I felt one of her lectures coming on. "Bella, I can't believe your head is still in the clouds after what six years…then again if your relationship is anything like mine and Edward's then I suppose that is to be expected. Now sit, we are loosing precious minutes here!"

I didn't argue with her I just sat back down and let her work her magic. When she was finished I looked in the mirror and I still couldn't figure out why she wasn't taking a course in beauty.


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: here we go again—not mine: Stephenie Meyer's

**Disclaimer: here we go again—not mine: Stephenie Meyer's! Grr…my birthday wish didn't come true…**

**AN: Okay sorry it's a short chapter and that you've had to wait so long for it. I have planned to try and update weekly, but this week it may be twice maybe even three if you're lucky…r&r…**

Chapter 2

Edward arrived at my door right on time, with a bunch of freesias and a red envelope. We sat down on my bed for a bit and exchanged gifts. I had got him a teddy lion—inside joke about how he's all protective over me; a bit like a lion—that made him laugh a lot and I got to see my favourite crooked smile. I also got him random presents that showed him my love—other inside jokes and objects that wouldn't appeal to others. Inside the red envelope that Edward presented me with was a card along with a key ring and an I. O. U. It read:

**I.O.U**

**Well I've already promised you the rest of my life so now this note is and I owe you, the vehicle n lot number 101.**

**Love your Edward**

**Xxx**

**P.S. Don't get mad, we've already talked about this! X**

I was definitely mad. Granted, we had talked about this but my argument—which I felt was highly persuasive—left us at a level playing field where we decided to drop it and return to it another day. Apparently Edward hadn't paid any attention as to what I had said and felt it upon himself to settle the indecision.

"Edward, we talked about this and I thought we decided to let it go." I was almost whining because of how strongly I had felt about this.

"I remember the conversation very well Bella, and nowhere in it did u make me promise not to buy you a car, so technically speaking I haven't done anything wrong." The smug look on his face just had to be wiped off—there wasn't a chance in hell of him winning this one!

"Okay then, I'll give you that one. But may I make a point? When am I supposed to drive it? Everywhere I go I go with either you or Alice and neither of you two will give me the pleasure of driving—you think I'm too slow. If you remember that's why we got rid of my old truck at the beginning of our freshmen year. Not only that but my other point: I can't afford to pay you back. Where am I supposed to get the money to repay you for whatever vehicle you have out there waiting for me?" My rant was getting a little bit tiresome even to me, but I was right and he should have listened the first time around.

The smile that continued to frame his face showed me that he had already come up with answers to all of my questions—none of which would turn out in my favor. "Bells, you can drive anytime you like. Yeah I prefer to drive you around but I'm sure that when Alice sees your new ride she's gonna want to be seen in it—and by the way please thank her for me—so you'll have the chance to drive it then. Also this year there's a lot of time when I may not be here so you need to get around somehow. Aw, don't look like that you know that Emmett, Jasper and I had planned this year long before me and you got together. Come to think of it I don't know why this year, after they graduated last year—oh well that's getting off subject; back to your car. The main reason we got rid of your truck was because it was an eyesore my love—your new vehicle however is not. And may I ask, who in the world said anything about you paying me back? I'm sorry but whoever did needs to be shot in the foot because you don't pay for your gift. Six years is a big thing so I got you a big present to go with. Now please stop arguing with me and just join me for breakfast. I have our whole day planned."

I couldn't argue there. He had made it so that I couldn't find any loopholes to winning this whole car situation, and I was starting to get a little curious as to what he has actually got me. And the idea of spending the whole day with him just through everything else out of the window. Hold on, thank Alice for what? "Edward, what do I need to thank Alice for?"

"For your clothes silly. Now come on otherwise we're going to be late."

I followed him out into the parking lot to find a gorgeous midnight blue convertible staring at me. This can't be real. Why did he have to do this?

"Edward it's beautiful, thank-you." I jumped into his arms and kissed him. He would never know how much this meant to me—I would never let him know.

As always the day went by too fast with Edward with me. Hours ticked by in the space of seconds and before I knew it we were going out to dinner. He had insisted that I do everything to how he has planned today, which meant going everywhere and doing everything his way: which right now meant a posh, expensive, Italian restaurant. We ate, we drank, we talked and we watched—we watched each other's eyes for long periods of time without speaking. Nothing needed to be said through words—we knew what each other were thinking and we could talk through our eyes.

It wasn't until we were interrupted by our waiter that we noticed the late hour. Edward paid and met me at the door with my coat.

"Thank-you for tonight Edward, I've really enjoyed it." I thanked him and he put his arm around my shoulders.

"Tonight was nothing, thank-you for the past six years. Bella, you truly have changed my life, irreversible. I can't even imagine a day without you; let alone the rest of my life. So I guess really what I'm trying to say is—"

I felt Edward fall to the floor as his words were cut off. I turned around to see what had happened and the next thing I knew I was hit in the stomach and being dragged away from the motionless body that was Edward lying on the sidewalk.


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Okay, the moment of truth is revealed…drum role please…Twilight and it's characters belong to…Stephenie Meyer…grrr, better luck next time, hey

**Disclaimer: Okay, the moment of truth is revealed…drum role please…Twilight and it's characters belong to…Stephenie Meyer…grrr, better luck next time, hey?!**

**AN: Grrr…I'm getting into this one too much, I have more important things to be writing but I just can't resist…so for my effort I would appreciate y'all to R&R…pretty please!**

Chapter 3

Two days later I awoke on the ward of my local hospital with my dad, Charlie, asleep in the chair next to me. I had no memory of what happened to me, the last thing I could visualize was being dragged away form Edward's motionless body outside of the restaurant, the only reason I knew it was two days later was by the date on my bedside clock—it was the twenty-eighth of January and mine and Edward's anniversary is the twenty-sixth. That was when I started to wonder why he wasn't here—had something worse happened to him that night, or was he just getting something to eat from the diner?

I started to sit up and that's when a nurse came in.

"You're awake dear, how are you feeling?" State the obvious or what? Of course I was awake.

"I'm feeling fine thank-you, apart from the fact that I can't remember anything. What happened to me?" From the moment I said 'can't remember' the women froze and her face dropped. Why was that a problem? What had happened to me?

"Okay, well now you're awake I shall go find your doctor." With that she hurried out the room without answering my question.

I started thinking the worst about what could have possibly happened—subconsciously I stopped breathing—and my monitor started racing and beeping quite loudly. Charlie woke with a fright and several nurses came rushing back in—though not the original one.

"Bells, Bells, its fine, you're safe—just breathe." I let out a huge breath as I saw Charlie's face; it was all contorted and out of character—he looked hurt and a slight hint of anger was present in his eyes. What had happened to me?

"I'm okay dad; sorry I just forgot to breathe." I needed to comfort him—he had come all this way for me and he was hurting. "Dad, what happened to me? The nurse ran off when I told her that I couldn't remember and didn't understand how and why I am here."

"You can't remember anything? Anything at all?" More pain came to his face as he asked me this. I just shook my head and sighed.

"I only remember me and Edward walking out of the restaurant, him getting knocked out and I being dragged away form him. Is Edward okay? Where is he? Please, what happened?" I was starting to panic again and getting agitated wasn't helping my breathing.

"Edward's fine, though he is home with Carlisle and Esme for the remainder of the week. Bells something very terrible happened to you." He looked me in the eyes then turned to the nurses who were just stood at the back of the room watching me intently "where is the doctor?" And with that they all rushed out in search for one.

"I don't know how to tell you this. I suppose it's both good and bad that you don't remember. Good because it won't haunt you and you'll be able to move on, but bad because you won't be able to bare witness to the crime or help capture the guy who did this to you, and also having me tell you may bring it all back ten times worse than if you were just to remember yourself." The pain on his face and in his eyes continued to grow—I hated seeing him this way.

"Dad, please just tell me what has happened."

"Okay, but maybe you should see your doctor first." The same as all the nurses, dad walked out the door pretty fast. What weren't they all telling me? If Edward were here he would have told me already! I didn't know why but I felt like I was going to need him here with me for what I was going to find out—and that made me hurt even more knowing that he wasn't here when I was in hospital and needed him most—though I understood that he was hurt too and needed to be with his family.

The next thing I knew Alice came running in the door and landed right on top of me. She hugged my so hard that I felt the—what was subsided—pain in my ribs, arms and thighs.

"Alice…pain…body…hurts…" She hopped off and sat in what was Charlie's chair.

"Are you okay? Have you spoken to the doctor yet? Did you see who attacked you? Where's Edward and where was he when it all happened?" She asked all of these questions at once and so fast that I hardly managed to catch what they were.

"Yes I'm okay; no I haven't spoken to my doctor yet. My attacker? Huh? Um Edward's home with Carlisle and Esme and what do you mean 'when it all happened'? When what happened? What aren't you people telling me?" I hadn't realised it but I was shouting now and Alice was looking really worried.

"Bella, are you telling me that you cannot remember what happened to you? None of it? Not even the guy's face? Or any feelings?" Alice wasn't her usual jumpy, high-spirited self anymore and it took a hell of a lot to bring her down—the only time I had ever seen her like this was when her pet dog died when we were nine.

"Alice, honestly I can't remember anything—the last thing I can recall is Edward and I walking out of the restaurant, Edward getting knocked out the head and falling to the floor and me being dragged away from him, watching him lay there motionless. Now please will you fill in the blanks because no one else will?" I was starting to get really tired of not remembering and telling this story already, but I had a feeling that this was nowhere near the last time that I would be telling it.

"You were raped Bella." She was starting to cry as she told me and at every word that came out of her mouth I started remembering the pain and all the feelings that I went through the other night—though I still couldn't put a picture to it. "Some guy, knocked Edward out, as you said, dragged you away; beat you until you were semi-conscious then had his way. It's disgusting to think that there are people who would do that out there, and to you of all people. You are the kindest of people that I have ever met and anyone who even attempts to harm a single hair on you pretty head is crazy, because you are an amazing person and worth a million of any of them. They'd be lucky if you even turned them down. Are you okay, do you remember anything now?"

I felt her eyes on me but my mind was a million miles away: precisely two days ago, back outside the restaurant.

"_Tonight was nothing, thank-you for the past six years. Bella, you truly have changed my life, irreversible. I can't even imagine a day without you; let alone the rest of my life. So I guess really what I'm trying to say is—"_

_Edward was cut mid-sentence by something hitting him in the back of the head and knocking him to the ground. I bent to help him but I was stopped by a crack in my chest—someone had kicked me to stop me getting to him. Whoever it was also grabbed the back of my clothes and started dragging me backwards into the nearby alley. All I could see was Edward's unmoving body getting smaller and smaller as I got further away._

_I was struggling to get away but this guy had a really strong grip. I tried to hit him a couple of times but I just received the same five times harder in return so I gave up and focused all of my energy into trying to escape back to Edward—was he okay? Even though I was no longer hitting this guy he continues to hit me—mainly in my ribs and chest. One blow that he took knocked me back into the wall, where I hit my head and fell limp to the ground. As I slipped to the ground I caught a look at his face. He had very pale features and eyes that glowed red with anger and lust._

_I couldn't move anymore. I felt his hands take mine and pull them above my head—he tied them there—before moving them back down my body and up under my skirt. It felt disgusting to have another guy's hands on me other than Edward—I felt ashamed and felt like I was betraying him even though I couldn't stop it. I tried my hardest to struggle out of him but the more I tried the stronger the pain and the stronger him clasp became. He was holding the tops of my thighs—holding my legs apart—and I could really feel the pressure of his fingers keeping me there._

_What happened next was extremely painful—nothing like when it was Edward and I—my cries were only from the pain and longing for Edward; it was nothing to do with what this man was doing to me. I just wish that someone would hear me and save me—take me back to Edward and make sure he was alright. But nobody came. The longer that it went on the worse the pain got until I eventually slipped out of consciousness. _

_That was when I awoke back here._

"Alice I remember" I fell back limp on my bed—feeling ashamed of what happened to me and all the pain returning. As I said those three words everybody filed back into the room as if they had that sentence on beeper. Looking into Charlie's eyes were the worst—I saw pain, pity, hate and sorrow—but I couldn't tear away, I needed his reassurance just as I did as a child. That's exactly how I felt—like a child—I had had all my dignity and stance taken from me in one solitary event. I had nothing left—I was a child again.


	5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Yes in fact i do own all of this twilight and edward included-well when i wake up i wont because it's all under Stephenie Meyer's name...

AN: Sorry i havent updated in a while, just i really wanted to finish Crescent End which i now have (and if you havent read you really should) and a friend and i got really hyped and started a fanfic together-'Bella Roll Over'-and its something new and exciting which i have got hooked on...you should check that one out too!! On wards and read wards...reviews more than welcome...

Chapter 4

The doctor explained to me my injuries—just minor cuts and bruises with one broken rib and a minor concussion—he also asked me about the attack but I couldn't answer anymore questions. Charlie had gone home after I persistently bartered him into it. I told him to go back to Forks get a good night's rest, then get some things together and come back to stay here. I preferred that he was okay rather than him sitting here with me looking more and more drained by the minute.

It wasn't like I didn't have company. To say that Alice sat with me was an understatement—she was led down, under my covers, cuddled into my side. She had brought her over night stuff earlier that day and now she was in her 'sloppies'—just as if she were a patient too—sleeping at my side. It was nice just to have her there, even if she was sleeping at the moment; she was one of the few people that made me feel safe. The other was Edward and I hadn't heard from him—I hope that his injury wasn't too bad and that he'd come back and see me soon, or maybe I should call him.

"Alice" I nudged her—but not hard enough to hurt her tiny physique—to get her opinion on my decision; she always knew best.

"Yup" She was almost lively again and was fully awake the very second that I wanted her.

"Alice, do you think Edward's okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't he be?"

"Just worried. He usually stays when I'm hurt or something and I haven't even had a call from him. Do you think I should call him?"

"Bells, I'm sure he's just fine, he's probably getting his head around everything. And the doctor probably made it more of an order that he went home for the rest of the week."

"Getting his head around everything? But the other night he was fine—more than fine actually. He started saying something before 'it' happened, he didn't get a chance to finish though."

"What did he say?"

"He started saying something like 'Bella, you truly have changed my life, irreversible. I can't even imagine a day without you; let alone the rest of my life. So I guess really what I'm trying to say is' but that's where he was cut off. What do you think he was trying to say? Oh my god, you don't think that when he was hit he lost his memory do you?"

"Well, it kind of sounds like he was about to propose but I can't be sure. If he does you have to let me plan your wedding!" She was back on hype. Good old Alice but there was as much a chance of hell freezing over as there was of me letting her plan my wedding. I didn't even want a wedding—I hadn't even been proposed to! "Na, our Eddie wouldn't loose his memory—he's stable enough in his mind; hell he's always guessing what others are thinking and being right I must stress—there's nothing to worry about."

"There's no wedding to plan for, darling. Don't get too ahead of yourself. Not to be a burden but I think I need to sleep. Stay with me?"

"You think I'm moving? I'm going to be right here every moment." She gave me a kiss on the cheek and snuggled back into my side.

I didn't go straight to sleep; I sat and thought about what she had said. What if he was about to propose to me? Things really were perfect between Edward and me. I really hoped that things wouldn't change—things couldn't change. I—we—wouldn't let it.


	6. Chapter 5

Diclaimer: I have taken a long look into my list of possessions and unfortunately neither Twilight, Edward or any of the characters are there, though debt to Ms Meyer is...

An: An anxious Bella has decided to come and intensely question you on the where abouts of her Edward--not a pretty sight to be honest--if you wish to avoid it please review...

Chapter 5:

I woke again later that afternoon. I decided to call Edward after all. Alice was still asleep at my side. For someone who usually never sleeps and has so much energy all of the time she really was surprising me today. She wasn't glued to my side at this very moment so I took the opportunity to get up and go find a phone. Good job, I know his numbers by heart.

I got to the nearest phone and decided to call his house line first—knowing that he was there and that I hadn't actually spoken to Esme in a while. It rang a couple of times before her sweet, melodic voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi Esme, its Bella. I was just calling to make sure that Edward is okay. I would have called sooner but I've only just woken up."

"Oh hi Bella. How are you? I'm so sorry that we can't be there to help. Actually He's asleep at the moment but I can pass on a message if you like?"

"It's okay, I just wanted to hear his voice if I'm honest with you. Can you tell him I called please and ask him to ring me when he's awake?"

"Of course, it's the least I can do."

"Thank-you"

"Speak to you soon sweaty"

"Will do, thanks again, bye."

"Bye" Click, she hung up. Edward doesn't usually sleep through the day. He always says that he can't because it's too light. Maybe what happened has knocked it into him so that he can. I strolled slowly back to my side room—I had been moved when I woke up for the first time after the attack.

Alice was already up when I walked back in and she instantly knew that I had called to speak to Edward and that it hadn't gone as I had hoped because she was momentarily wrapped around me, stoking my hair.

"At least he's only sleeping right? It could be worse; he could be avoiding your calls. Things are going to be fine, I just know it. You two are solid—nobody could rock that."

I didn't say anything, I just stood there. Alice truly was the finest best friend that I could ask for.

It was beyond boring being stuck in hospital—if Alice wasn't here I really would have died of boredom—there wasn't anything to do. My IPod was back in my dorm as was all my books and magazines. Alice would have gone and got them if I had asked but then she would have to leave and I really didn't feel like being on my own right now. I wanted Edward here more than anything but that wasn't possible. It was only the first week of term and already I was missing loads of lectures and classes. This really wouldn't help me graduation next summer. Not only would it put me behind but it also gave me nothing to do—if I wasn't in class, I didn't have work to do which also meant that I didn't have homework to take up some time either. Who would have thought that I wanted school that much in times like these?

The doctor came in to see me and told me that I could go home the next day as long as I took a week off and I rested—strictly no parties; as if? Rosalie's Birthday was Saturday; Alice had planned a slamming party that I most definitely couldn't miss—it was fancy dress; that said it all.

I didn't get a call back from Edward that day, or the next morning. It wasn't until Alice and I arrived back at my dorm at around three that my cell vibrated in my pocket. I reached for it and noticed a text. It was from Edward:

**Hey Bells**

**Im so sorry that I cudnt b there.**

**Doc sent strict orders home-u know at Esmes like.**

**Neway, I shud b bk for Roses prt so dnt go askin ne1 else**

**We've already got r costumes! :P**

**C u soon**

**All my love n more**

**E XXX**

"Alice, Edward never texts me!" I was starting to panic; right from the start Edward said that he didn't like texting 'it was too impersonal', so why had he started to text now?

"Bella calm down, stop making something out of nothing. He just probably thought that you might like to see his words, a bit like a letter—it's quite romantic actually. Give the guy a chance after all he is a guy! He'll be back soon, he said so himself and he still wants to go to the party with you so there's nothing wrong there. Girl you are so paranoid!"

Maybe I was being paranoid but I had a gut feeling that things weren't as they seemed. Okay so Rosalie's party is in two days, that leaves two days more without Edward—I could handle that. If I really started struggling I was pretty sure that I could convince Charlie to run me back to Forks so that I could see him at home. I quickly replied to his text in hopes that we'd get a conversation going this way—despite my disliking.

**E,**

**I ,mis u, really wish tht u were here,**

**O wel cnt do nethin bout it now,**

**Did u wnt me to c if Charlie can drop me dwn? I cud come c u 4 a few days…**

**Up 2 u, let me kno,**

**Loveyou 3-keep it safe!**

**Bxxx**

I didn't show Alice the text; she would only tell me that I was pestering him and that he needed time to recover just like I did. I didn't get a reply that day.

Or the next…

It was the morning of Rosalie's party that I first heard from him again—well what was supposed to be from him. Esme had called me, telling me that Edward was driving up with Carlisle but he would be late for the party because he had something to do first. I was a little uncomfortable with the sudden space of distance that had formed. I continued my day normally—got ready for the party with Alice. Edward and I did have costumes that fitted together in a story line but I wasn't sure if he was going to show so I made mine a little less obvious. We were supposed to be going as a modern day Romeo and Juliet so I got rid of all the major hints that gave away my character.

He didn't show.


	7. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Well, it would have been mine if I got the idea first, but I didn't so I guess it's not mine…oh well…manipulation still works for me…

**Disclaimer: Well, it would have been mine if I got the idea first, but I didn't so I guess it's not mine…oh well…manipulation still works for me…**

**AN: Okies, I'm really sorry it's been a while since an update, but I'm going to try my best to get back into a routine of updating…well at least with this story at the mo, the others I'm going to put on hold because I'm more into this one…onwards and upwards…when you review (which you will do!! / ) please tell me what kind of intervals you'd like for updates… **

Chapter 6

I didn't sleep that night, or the night after. Edward still hadn't shown up and after standing me up at Rosalie's party I was beginning to get the feeling that it was me he was avoiding. I voiced my concerns to Alice—yet again—but once again she just told me I was being paranoid and that he was just probably spending some quality time with Carlisle. I took into account what she had said until now. I had no reason to doubt him. What's one bump in a smooth six year relationship?

First lecture today passed like a small white cloud in a full sky of blue (slow and seemingly never ending). That was until I saw Edward exiting the theatre five minutes before the due end of this hour. If I was being honest with myself I hadn't even noticed him come in. Usually he would sit with me so where had he been? He'd never once left early; something had to be wrong. Was he more affected by the other night that I had been led to believe? Was he ill? No, if something so terrible was up then he wouldn't be in school let alone class.

I tried looking for him after class but he was nowhere in sight. After that I figured that if he was in our last class, then he'd surely be in our next. So I carried on my day with Alice only less into her conversation than usual and keeping my eyes open for any movement, especially for any sight of Edward.

I didn't see him in any class after that.

Alice decided that I was to stay in her room tonight (have a proper girly night to take my mind off of things and for some bitchy talk—nothing out of the ordinary) so we walked back to our block and split down our own corridors so that I could get my clothes. Since Edward hadn't been around a lot more of the boys in my year (some I'd never even knew existed before) had been coming up and speaking to me. One had even started walking with me to class. In the beginning it made me nervous but now it didn't really bother me, so I wasn't surprised when Alec caught up with me in the corridor just after Alice left.

We talked for a while about our day and what we were doing the weekend, before we knew it we were at the door to my room. We were half way through a conversation and I didn't want to be rude so I turned around to invite him in. That was when things surprised me.

"Bella? Have you and Cullen broken up? I mean I haven't seen you guys together and you've never spoken to me before all of this." What had happened to the simple conversation of the 'Philadelphia Sixers'? I was stumped, what was I supposed to respond to that when I didn't even know what was going on?

"Last time I checked. He's just been away lately. I've spoke to you before, I'm sure I have." Even that sounded like a question to me; hopefully he wouldn't notice.

"Okay then. Just didn't want things to get confused between us whilst I didn't know what was going on. I won't lie to you, I do find you attractive and when I saw you without Cullen I thought I'd have my chance. But I've got to know you and now I just want to make sure you're okay. Not that I'd overlook that chance now…" he looked like he thought he was digging himself into a hole and had no way out.

"Come on Alec, its okay. Come in and have a coffee." From that we were straight back to our basketball, or so I thought. At that moment I didn't think I could get anymore surprises.

So when Alec and I stumbled through the door, clutching our sides where we were laughing so much at some stupid comment I had made, I didn't think it anything different. Apparently Edward did.

In shock I stared at the familiar body that was stretched across my bed in an unfamiliar stance. His face looked tired and drawn; his clothes looked out of shape; and his eyes were a mixture of anger, pain and sadness.

Without taking my eyes off of Edward's face I tried to address Alec, "Err Alec, maybe we should have that coffee another time…"

"Sure thing Bells, just call me if you need anything." With a small glare at Edward he turned and left, closing the door behind him.

Neither of us said anything in the minutes that followed, it wasn't until my cell rang that the silence was disturbed. Inevitably it was Alice.

"Come on girl, how long does it take to get your pyjamas and wash stuff?" her pixie voice whined down the line.

"Err…Alice…something's come up. We'll have to do this, another night. Sorry."

"What? Is everything okay? What's going on?"

"Everything's fine Alice. Speak to you tomorrow." With that I cut the line (Alice really wouldn't be happy with me when I saw next).

Now that I'd had time to properly look at Edward, I'd noticed that he had dark, deep circles defining his eyes: so bad that it looked like he hadn't slept since the last time I saw him. He still hadn't moved from that one position that he was in when I opened the door.

"Are you okay?" his emotionless voice finally asked.

"Depends what you define 'okay' as. Yes, physically I'm fine. Memories still hurt and on top of everything the one person I thought I could rely on wasn't there to hold me safe after it all. So yeah I suppose you could say I'm okay, if you want to overlook the pain that's ripping apart the inside of chest." I paused looking at him, nothing changed in his face; no emotion flickered through his eyes, he didn't even flinch as I told him of my pain. "What about you? Where've you been?"

"I needed some time to get my head around things so I went back to Forks for a couple of weeks. Who was that guy you were with?" Now anger lay bare in his eyes.

"Err…that was Alec…from the Basketball team…he's in some of my classes, we got chatting last week."

"Oh, so because I was away you thought you'd take your chance to line up some new guys did you? You're worse than Rosalie you are! Flaunting yourselves; getting free drinks and let into clubs under age. Or is it me? Am I no longer good enough for you? I failed to protect you that one night so you need to find someone better?—" I had to cut him off whilst I still had it in me to argue back.

"Edward, I could never replace you! What the hell are you saying—'you failed to protect me'? Neither of us saw that coming. It wasn't your fault. It happens to the best of people. I do not flaunt myself. I am wearing the most basic of clothes a college sweat shirt and a pair of plain jeans. Alice hates me for my plain attire, Rosalie can't stand to look at me let alone associate herself with me. I don't drink, I don't go to clubs, I come back here—or to Alice's—straight from class, ponder about before getting up and going to class; the same everyday. Come on Edward; is that what you want to believe?—to make this easier for you? Well it's not true. I could tell you that I'm a total whore and brought everything on myself, and that you are just some stupid glitch in life that I've played with and now gotten bored with, but I won't. It's not true. I love you Edward Cullen! You and only you!"

"But you got hurt and I couldn't help you. How could love a loser like that? Come on Bella, you can do better. We've been kidding ourselves for years if we ever thought that we would work. I mean we've never ran smoothly have we. First of all, how we met was difficult, then your dad almost shooting me, then there was the whole thing with our friends, not forgetting graduation and getting into college. This is just another to add to the list. We don't belong together if there's always so much pain."

Neither of us said much after that. If that was what he wanted then I'd let him have it. I loved him so much that I no longer mattered. I'd deal with the heartbreak if he was happy. He got his little things together and left.

After that day everything seemed to go by in black and white and as if I wasn't there. We passed each other in the corridors but just put our heads down and carried on walking. A month later I realized I was pregnant—seeing as I hadn't slept with anyone since that one unmentionable night; it had to either be the rapist's baby of Edward's. Not long after that got out, Edward moved schools, and I stopped putting up my act and went about my day not feeling anything.

Before I knew it, it was graduation and I was moving to Chicago with my baby boy and new apprenticeship. I didn't see Edward again after that.


	8. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Yes yes yes yes yes! I know! I'm not Stephenie Meyer! These are not my characters!! Think about it…if it was mine…would I be posting on this sight? Would I be writing this silly disclaimer? Well then!**

**AN: I know this is happening quite fast, it just felt right…please read and review!! (i'm talking about the story line)X**

Chapter 7

_Fourteen years later…_

"Mom, where's my football socks?" yelled a melodic, young voice up the stairs.

"I think they're in your drawer beside your bed, if not they're in the laundry basket in the garage." My answering voice called from the master bedroom.

"Thanks mom. Bye!" With that the front door slammed.

"Bye Carl." I rushed to answer as I tied my hair back into a neat, plait. Dressed ready for the office (that's what I called it anyway); I grabbed my briefcase and ran downstairs to seize a granola bar before heading out the door.

I enjoyed my job most of the time, so setting out early didn't really bother me. It's not the kind of career I would have gone for say sixteen years ago, but something set me in this direction. And I suppose being the only daughter of a police chief; something was bound to rub off on me. I was, for a change, proud of myself. I had got to my position all by myself as well as bringing up an adorable son (with a straight 'A' report card). Carl was the best son anybody could wish for. He wasn't greedy, annoying, rude, or aggressive. He was extremely polite, very responsible and smart looking. The fact that he'd been brought up without a father hasn't seemed to have been a disadvantage to him. He still had Charlie; Jasper came around a lot when Alice and I had a catch up; my ex-husband—Jacob—of seven years still liked to take him out after knowing and acting as his father for that amount of time. So it wasn't like he was missing out on all the male stuff. In fact after his football match today Jasper is taking him out and then he's staying around there place. I think one day it would be nice for him though if he were to meet his real father—after all, we all found out who it was after he was born…

I pulled up to station and quickly ran inside avoiding the rain. Today was meeting day—always the longest days of the year here—so I hung up my coat and took a seat near the back; ready for a long boring shift.

By lunch time, it was announced that we were all going to swap around patrols for a couple of weeks just to get a better feel of the area we work towards protecting. So as from today I was working in the station waiting for emergency calls instead of working on big cases as usual. Well I suppose it wasn't as bad as it could have been; I mean I could have been put on parking tickets. This also made me less stressed and gave me a couple extra hours at home in the evening of a Tuesday and Friday. Seeing as the meeting was only to announce the job role changes and congratulate the team on closing the long standing murder case of Penelope Stuarts, daughter of billionaire Patrick Stuarts (to be honest that case wasn't too hard. It was just long standing because the Sherriff didn't want to keep disturbing Patrick due to his fame and fortune), we were all allowed to slack of for an hour lunch.

Back at work this afternoon was tiring; everyone was panicking and moving their desk things around. I'd been on patrol before so it wasn't anything new and I was just ready to go. Unfortunately there didn't seem to be any crime going on in Chicago this afternoon so I had nothing to do but sit around looking bored. At half four I headed out; Alice and I had plans for heading to the gym. I went home and got changed out of work clothes into a pair of jeans and a black top, put my work-out clothes into a holdall and filled my water bottle. At that point I still had an hour until Alice was due to arrive, so I pulled down a book from the second top shelf of the large oak bookcase that stood against the back wall of the living room and started to read.

I loved to read, it was the one thing that helped me get through all the hard times in my past; I've always been able to pick up a book and just loose myself in another world. Today was the same, and before I knew it Alice was at the door.

"Hey Bells. You ready for a major work out session? I mean we skipped last week, looks like we'll have to make up for it!"

"Hi Alice. Yeah, I need something to wake me up and challenge me today, work has just been so flat. Anyway how are you? Is Carl okay? Are you sure Jasper doesn't mind him hanging around?"

"Bella relax. Carl is fine—his team won at his match today; he scored three—Jasper loves having him there. He's like a son to him. Anyway Ruby enjoys the extra company too; actually I'm starting to think she has a crush on him. I'm fine; I've been nominated for an award in this years fashion week in Paris. Which is another thing I wanted to ask, fancy coming to Paris with me in August? Carl can stay with Jasper if you say yes. Which you're going to aren't you?!" A small smile itched at the corners of her mouth as she tried to stare me down.

"You know I have no sense of fashion. I'd stand out like a sore thumb that week, not that I wouldn't any other week but that's not the point. You'd be so much better taking Rosalie or even Ruby—she's what eleven and already she has a better sense of style than I do. I'd only show you up." I paused and saw that her face had dropped. It looked like she really wanted me there. "If you can give me one valid reason as to why, it's me you want to come with you, and then I will." At this point she knew she had won, you could even tell by the sparkle in her eyes.

"Well seeing as you've been my best friend ever since, like, kindergarten, you helped me set up my line in the very beginning and inspired me throughout my career, I thought you should be the one I'm with when I collect my award. Forgive me if I'm wrong."

"Okay, okay I'll come, only because I need a holiday anyway. We'll have to discuss it later though because right now we're going to be late."

"Hold on there's one more thing I should tell you—" I cut her off; we really didn't have time for chit-chat.

"Tell me another time Alice, we seriously don't have time right now." And with that we were out of the door and into Alice's car that was sitting at the bottom of my drive.

The next morning I woke up aching all over. Alice and I had done two hours instead of one last night and it pretty much killed me. It was the only thing in the world that world gave me hope that today would be as quiet as yesterday. But the world being the cruel, unfair place that it is wasn't in the mood to cooperate with me and grant me my wish. Today was Hell.

An old woman getting mugged; an attempted robbery at the bank; a hold up at the local newsagents, this was just the start of my list for the day. Then to top it all off a bunch of midlife crisis, wannabe teenagers have a road race to settle one woman's adultery. What the hell has this world come to?

So when I was driving back to the station from the road rage, I was happy to be knocking off within the hour. That was when some idiot sped past me in some old model Volvo. _On with the lights and speed, Volvo here I come_. I wasn't a sour person, I just still had butterflies at the sight of a Volvo so when one flew past me I took my opportunity to pull them down and take advantage of my job role. I managed to flag them down in no time. From the moment the guy stepped out of the car, I regretted the decision to chase after that stupid non-shiny-silver-Volvo!!

**AN:Okies so i'm not sure whether this story is going okay, so i'dlike some constructive reviews please... pretty please...x**


	9. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Really? You're telling me I don't actually own Twilight or Edward Cullen? Well, I be God Damned…So this Stephenie Meyer you tell me about…where can I get a hold of her?**

**AN: I quite enjoyed this one; although I did get stumped a couple of time. So I hope you enjoy this one too…please let me know…x**

Chapter 8

I couldn't believe what I was seeing when a pair of what used to be dazzling emerald green eyes gazed up to me. The eyes I used to love—used to get lost in—but now just a pit of pain and despair. If I hadn't known that pain myself I would have said he deserved it. If I hadn't been the one to let him go I would have been joyous of his suffering, but I did let him go—all those years ago—and I did it because I truly did love him. But what was he doing here in Chicago? I'd heard that he'd made it big time with his companies in Michigan, New York, LA, San Francisco, even the new ones starting up throughout Canada and Parts of England. He had no need to come back here. Not that I still listened or look out for his name in the news or in papers and such…

"Bella, is that you?" His sweet velvety voice had yet to change in the long years that had past as was my reaction. This was just ridiculous. I'm not a silly infatuated teenager anymore; I'm a responsible woman whose priorities is completely different to what they were back then and is extremely important to the running of my life.

"Yes, it's me. Do you realize you were going over fifty miles per hour over the speed limit? That's ninety miles per hour in a forty zone." I wasn't going to let go of the reason that I stopped him and I definitely wasn't going to let him see that he still—after all these years—had an affect on me.

"Yeah, about that…sorry…was in a bit of a rush. Hold on, I remember you being freaked out by my fast driving back in high school, but since when were you a traffic cop? I mean Bells, you always said that 'nothing stops traffic like a cop car', now you're the cop? This can't be the same Bella Swan that I knew and loved—" he cut himself short. Of course he had meant it in the everyday sense, the same as he would to any other high school buddy he'd pass in the street. Yet we were different. We did love each other and that harmless comment hit home. I tried to break the uncomfortable silence by answering his questions.

"Well…firstly, I'm not a 'traffic cop', I'm Detective Constable Swan. Just had some practice at the station where we all switch roles for a week. Anyway, being a police officer isn't actually that bad. When James walked free from court, everything in me changed. I wanted to take the law into my own hands, but then that would only make me as bad as him. So here I am, fighting for the law that let me down by a technicality. No big deal really. Speeding doesn't really bother me, usually I'd let it slide, I was just a bit peeved off today. I like my job, not this one. Like I said to my partner, if I wanted this job I would have applied for it not the one of Detective Constable…Sorry I'm ranting again aren't I? Well I suppose that I'll let it slide this one time, just because you let me rant. Bye." I went to walk away because I found myself talking too freely to him. I didn't want him back in my life because I knew that after what happened between us back in high school and college, we could never just be friends again.

"I'm going to be in town for a while. We're setting up another company here and I'm in charge, so yeah. We should have a drink, you know for old time's sake. How about tonight?"

"I can't tonight. I'm taking Carl out."

"Carl? You're taking your other half out. Shouldn't that be the other way around, him taking you out? Sorry, not for me to interfere. I mean you always preferred it when we…never mind" He held his arms up as if for me to shoot him.

"Carl's not my partner, he's my son."

"Oh, I'm sorry…yeah I forgot about that—well I didn't forget I tried to. So how many kids have you got? Why not let your partner look after them while you come out for an hour? We could have a chat, you know for old times sake."

"Look Edward, I have to go. Sorry. Good luck with your company. Look's like I'll probably see you around." I turned and continued to my car, without looking back when he called my name.

Driving home I was reminded much of the heartbreak that I felt back in college. I swore to myself that I wasn't going to let this happen to me; I wasn't a teenager and that was just some high school romance. Up until now, I thought I'd forgotten about everything that had happened back then. I'd gotten past my being rapped, I'd gotten through college with all the stares and I'd left it all behind. I think with all of this coming back I need to phone my shrink and make an appointment…

I couldn't face going home yet; Carl wouldn't be back for another hour so I had time to go to the station then just drive around for a bit. I needed to get my head back into place before I could even address anyone about this. Alice was bound to have known that he was coming back—Jasper and Edward are best mates and have never lost contact—so why hadn't she told me?

Seeing as I needed to take my mind off of things anyway I decided that I would take Carl out for more than just a meal. It worked my mind floated off into mom mode and I managed to forget all of what happened throughout the day…well that was until I went to bed.

"_Tonight was nothing, thank-you for the past six years. Bella, you truly have changed my life, irreversible. I can't even imagine a day without you; let alone the rest of my life. So I guess really what I'm trying to say is—"_

_Edward was cut mid-sentence by something hitting him in the back of the head and knocking him to the ground. I bent to help him but I was stopped by a crack in my chest—someone had kicked me to stop me getting to him. Whoever it was also grabbed the back of my clothes and started dragging me backwards into the nearby alley. All I could see was Edward's unmoving body getting smaller and smaller as I got further away._

_I screamed his name, trying to get him to wake up; trying to make sure he was okay nut he didn't move. I was struggling my best to get away but this guy had a really strong grip. I tried to hit him a couple of times but I just received the same five times harder in return so I gave up and focused all of my energy into trying to escape back to Edward—was he okay? Even though I was no longer hitting this guy he continues to hit me—mainly in my ribs and chest. One blow that he took knocked me back into the wall, where I hit my head and fell limp to the ground. As I slipped to the ground I caught a look at his face. He had very pale features and eyes that glowed red with anger and lust._

_I couldn't move anymore. I felt his hands take mine and pull them above my head—he tied them there—before moving them back down my body and up under my skirt. It felt disgusting to have another guy's hands on me other than Edward—I felt ashamed and felt like I was betraying him even though I couldn't stop it .I tried to scream for him more but the guy just stopped my mouth with his hand; so when I could no longer scream I knew I had to get out. I used my best attempt to struggle out of him but the more I tried the stronger the pain and the stronger him clasp became. He was holding the tops of my thighs—holding my legs apart—and I could really feel the pressure of his fingers keeping me there._

_What happened next was extremely painful—nothing like when it was Edward and I—my cries were only from the pain and longing for Edward; it was nothing to do with what this man was doing to me. I just wish that someone would hear me and save me—take me back to Edward and make sure he was alright. But nobody came. The longer that it went on the worse the pain got until I eventually slipped out of consciousness. _

I've always had troubles with my dreams and I've always spoke in them too, so when Carl woke me up in the middle of the night trying to make sure I was okay because I had been screaming in pain and shouting 'Edward' I wasn't really surprised that I'd been screaming—although I instantly wished I wasn't cursed with my sleep talking. I had never told him of Edward, that night or his father; he had never been curious as to whom his father was and until the day he asked I wasn't willing to open that can of worms. So when he asked why I was crying Edward I was stumped. I didn't want to lie to him but I didn't want him to know either. He was an innocent boy who didn't need to know what pain he came from. So I just retorted that it was late and he needed sleep.

Most nights continued like that, but after the second night I arranged for Carl to stay else where so that he didn't have to be disturbed by my nightmares too. I spoke to Alice about it but she just brushed it off as old, suppressed memories returning to me—Alice is a very supportive person, she just doesn't look deeper than she has to. After a week of the same dream, the same wakeful screams and the cold tears that stained my face I decided it was time to call for help. At first I called Charlie. He had been the most supportive through all of this and I thought he'd be able to help her by talking me round.

In the end I called my doctor, who just as before set me up with my therapist. I felt the vicious circle starting all over again.

**AN: Sorry i try not to put an AN at the end because i put one at the start but pleae please please can you help to save Stephenie Meyer's confidence and Midnight Sun. I'v got a link on my page that goes directly to the petition, it doesnt cost anything just a lil of your time, and sign it...we need 2000 signatures...thank you if you do...**

**review please...**


	10. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Disappointingly all the characters—yes much to my dismay, Edward too—belong to Ms Stephenie Meyer.**

**AN: Okay so this is a really short chapter mainly because the emotion is building up to what needs to happen in the next chapter and I cant do anything more here. Please read and review…**

Chapter 9

"Ms Swan, to Dr Gordon's room please." I stood up to follow the command; I still couldn't believe I was back to square one. I took a deep breathe before knocking on the large oak door.

"Come in." I took the step through the door way and was met by the calming scent of the lavender plant that was placed next to the comfy looking couch. Okay so I had forgotten how casual therapy was introduced. Unfortunately I wasn't seeing the same therapist. This time I was seeing a woman. Last time I was really uncomfortable with the idea of having a male therapist but now I really don't think I'm going to be able to open up to a woman. "Hi." Her voice rang like Sunday bells, breaking through the tranquil reserve of scanning the room that was soon to become familiar to me.

"Hello."

"Please take a seat" As she indicated to the couch I continued to walk through the room and found a comfy sitting position on it. "How are we feeling today?"

"It's not the daytime I have a problem with." My voice was sharper and shorter than I had intended. "Why aren't I seeing Dr Scat like I did before?" I had caught her off guard.

"Well he has taken leave for a while; his wife's been ill."—she paused looking around her feet like she was the one who didn't want to be here.—"Shall we talk about where the problem began?"

"There isn't a problem!"

"No, of course not. May I ask what brings you here?" Urg…I hate the therapists that pry and tell you that if you didn't have a problem then you wouldn't be here. I didn't have a problem my past did. It just wouldn't go away.

"Well…urm…okay so I do have a problem. I have a terrible past and it just won't let me move on."

"Why do you think it won't let you move on?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know? I'm not my past."

"Ah but you are your past. You're what your past has made you."

"I am not my past!! I am not the rapist! I am not the heartbreak and I am not the failure of my childhood!"

"Are you sure?" What was this woman doing? Testing my temper really wasn't the best thing to do today, especially seeing as I had zero sleep last night. With the dreams getting more and more detailed I forced myself not to sleep. Thank god for coffee.

"What do mean am I sure? Do I look like a rapist to you? Do I look like some bitch that goes around ripping men's hearts out? Do I look like someone who gave up and made nothing of herself? I'm pretty sure I am not my past!"

"Ms Swan. Bella. May I call you Bella?"—I nodded—"Tell me what you see when you look in the mirror every morning."

"I couldn't tell you I haven't looked in a mirror in a while." How could I look at myself? I'm a disgrace…Alls I see is that night, that day in my room with Edward. Okay so my past is in my reflection…and my past is my present…what was I saying about the fact tat I'd moved on?

"Okay there's a mirror over there please take a look, a long look. Think about it, and then we're going to do an exercise."

Hesitantly, I got up and walked across to the mirror. _I can do this; Bella you can do this. I can't do this…_ My heart rate picked up and my pulse started racing. Alls I could see in the mirror was the pain in my eyes and the hole in my heart. For years I have hated who I am but just came to live with it. Recently, however, my eyes have been reopened to the drawn, deep eyes, the down turned corners of my mouth and the glaze over my sight. Some people would just say that it's signs of my torn past, but I knew different—today I had to own up to that.

Today I would tell a complete stranger that every morning that I look into the mirror I see the shadow of my small, terrifying past that haunts my dreams and holds back who I could have been. The person I aspired to be. I would tell her that I see the hopeless person who failed to achieve her dream, who failed to keep herself safe, who failed her love, and who failed to put herself back together at the end of the day. I see ancient tears that have just never gone away. Tears that have cried a thousand rivers, and tears that have torn me apart. A worn face that shows the pain that has been hopelessly hidden. Today I admit that I am a disappointment in life.

**AN: Sorry again for the short chapter, because of it i will put up the next chapter asap...the day after tomorrow possibly if not tomorrow. **


	11. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: Well...you see...I...no they're not mine**

**AN: Firstly I'd like to thank Strangerthanyou for going through this first...you're an angel doll!! Secondly...here's your Edward POV that you've all been waiting for...so knock yourselves out (not literally I do want you to read it)...if you like it and want some future chapters to bein EPOV again then please let me know...x**

Chapter 10

_Edward's POV_

She just walked away. Wow, she looked amazing. I can't believe it's been fourteen years since college. I still remember the way her lips felt, the way her hair smelt and exactly how I felt. Wait, she's walking away…

"Bella, Bella please." I yelled at the top of my lungs but she still didn't even turn her head or wave her hand. She hasn't changed a bit. I started to reminisce over high school and college and at that point I couldn't remember a time that I've ever been happier. Surely I would find something; I had to be able to—fourteen years is a long time after all. I was in a complete daze, so much so that I forgot that I was standing in the middle of the road that was until a blue SUV nearly knocked me down.

After that I got back into my beaten up old car and started to head on home. I knew that coming back here would be difficult, why did I have to go back to this stupid Volvo from my gorgeous, Mercedes sports car? This thing was barely pushing ninety anymore—hold on just pushing ninety? She couldn't have pulled me over for that? Could she? O well, she did none the less. Yet I feel glad she did…

Suppose she's done well with that boy, I mean to have got this far without giving him up or anything. Then again I expect her partner has taken the role of his dad. I wonder what she went through when James go let off…the guy got let off?! He broke my love to pieces, physical love and the love of my life—did I just say that? No Tanya is the one I love and vowed to love—but to get let off. I wish I could hunt him down myself. Her partner? Who was he? Were they married? Did I know him? Does she love him? No, no, no! _None of your business Edward Cullen! _I was so messed up. Why was I so bothered? I needed to get back to Tanya—despite our mess.

I got in the car and headed off in the direction I was heading before being stopped. I wanted to clear my mind so I turned on the stereo and turned it straight up in volume. Only then to listen and realize that this was the song that Bella and I always listened to. Was there no end to the reminders of us? Yes, yes there was…Tanya! Tanya was the complete opposite of Bella; she was sophisticated, confident, blonde—erk…blonde, I've never been attracted to Blondes—and…urm…and…there had to be something…creative (yes, creative).

Seeing Bella again was completely surreal. Obviously she didn't see it the same way; she couldn't wait to get away from me. Was she now completely repulsed by me? Na, that can't be it, it must be just her job and getting home. I wonder what her home looks like. Is it completely over run with her partners and children's things? What does her son look like himself? If I was to see him, would I remember the face of the vicious man that ruined my life as it was?

"_Tonight was nothing, thank-you for the past six years. Bella, you truly have changed my life, irreversible. I can't even imagine a day without you; let alone the rest of my life. So I guess really what I'm trying to say is—"_

_I was about to purpose to Bella but something cut me mid-sentence by something hitting me in the back of the head and knocking me to the ground. From then I was completely unaware of the events that took place…_

_I woke up in a small, private hospital room. _

"_Mr Cullen, Sir. Welcome back. How are you feeling?"_

"_Where's Bella?"_

"_Ms Swan is still unconscious. We got an ominous call, saying that there was a young man unconscious in the car par of a restaurant and that when we found her..."_

"_Found her? What do you mean? Found her? What happened to her? I have to see her!" _

"_Sir, you cannot see her, we are not permitted to allow you to do so; neither are we permitted to tell you what has happened. A paramedic found her after he heard a small wail came from the back alley. Your father is on his way; he should be here within the hour. I suggest you talk to him. _

"_I can tell you are well, but how does your head and neck feel?"_

"_I'm fine…please can I have some time alone."_

"_Bella was raped son. Come on let's get home; your mother is extremely worked up about all of this…"_

_I had no idea what to say to Bella. What do you say to your girlfriend who got raped whilst she was out with you? I was pathetic. I couldn't protect her, I had failed her in everyway a man could fail a woman. She would never want to know me now. I overheard Esme on the phone, it turned out to be Bella; well at least I knew that she was conscious. I didn't know how to phone back._

_Mom told me later that evening that Bella had called and requested that I phoned back. After dinner I attempted that…only to hang up before the end of the dialling tone._

_I chickened out (story of my life), I sent her a text._

_She was pregnant._

_I had been avoiding her, and the whole of the school knew by now that we had broke up. I changed my classes; I couldn't stand to see her so hurt and alone but I couldn't face her either. It had been a month since we had 'split' and I hadn't seen the end of the line of girls that tried to get me to ask them out for lunch. It wasn't as if I had dumped her because I no longer loved her, it was because I failed her and she could do so much better._

_I overheard a conversation between Irina and Tanya as I walked to in the direction of my Bio-chemistry class._

"_Yeah, so called she got pregnant, Edward found out and left. Surprises me, that he's got the nerve to show his face in public. The pain he's caused that girl." Irina bitched on._

"_Well, he was getting bored; maybe the baby was her idea of pulling her back in? Never know what goes through a girls mind when she's that desperate and self-loathing. She needs to pick up some confidence, especially if she's going to get by with a kid…" _

_I had to leave. That night I spoke to my dad on the phone and he agreed that I could leave Dartmouth and he'll get me into the next college that I wanted. _

It was my entire fault. I should have stood by her and made up for my uselessness. All in the past Edward, you're with Tanya now…you love Tanya…

By the time I had convinced myself that the emotions that came rushing back were just due to the initial shock of seeing her again for the first time in fourteen years, I was back home. Well where home was supposed to be, right now all of my possessions were being thrown out of the bedroom window. Tanya was really taking it too far this time. I had done nothing wrong; it's not my fault if my post gets changed to a different location (well, it is because I own the company, but I didn't ask for it to be me that moved).

"Tanya, honey, what's going on?" Damn should have got flowers.

"Don't try and sweet talk me around this Edward, you promised me!"

"I never promised you that I wouldn't move again—" Really it's only about 150miles away from where we were living before, it's not as if I took the job offered to me in England…

"No you promised me that you'd love me and only me till death do us part remember?!"

"I do love you…I don't understand, who else do I love?" Is she a mind reader? Had she heard me asking Bella out for a drink? No, she couldn't have done.

"That tart from reception! Yes, she's exactly the same one as Michigan!! You're chasing her! If you're chasing her then why are you dragging me around? For the good image? I can't take it anymore Edward, I want a divorce!!" With that she hurled the final black bin bag at me and slammed the window shut. What now?

I decided to give Jasper a call; he'd always been a good mate to me and now surely he wouldn't turn his back on me. His cell went straight to answer phone, so I decided to call Alice and see if she knew how I could get a hold of him. I wonder if they're still together? Must be, bad luck if they're not and I'm calling her to find out. They have to be, I only spoke to Jasper about one maybe two years ago.

"Hey, Alice!"

"Hello? Who's this?"

"It's Edward, Edward Cullen."

"Oh hey, sorry this isn't a real good time right now could you call back later? _Carl, please your mom is on her way, she hasn't forgotten."_

"Sorry just wondering whether you knew how I could get hold of Jasper? Sorry never mind. Bye."

"Wait wait, he's here. _Jasper_" I heard their exchange in the background and no more than ten seconds I was speaking with Jasper. He said he had a mate that was renting out a flat but if I wasn't looking for long term then I could crash at their place. If I was being honest with myself I didn't really want to admit to my failing marriage so I went with the short term.

Also by the sounds of things, they saw a lot of Carl, so I could either pluck up my courage and get to know him or actually go back to my natural state—a workaholic. Probably the second. The memories that seeing Bella brought back were enough but then to imagine what it would be and feel like around the product of that disaster. Though he's not to blame and probably a really good kid, the pain that it would memories and disappointment it would cause me weren't exactly worth it.

Alice and Jasper were going out tonight so I had the time to settle in. They let me have the garage that they'd done out to be another room—they'd even had central heating and plumbing fitted. After everything was how I thought it should be I decided it was time to sleep; I'd see dad and sort out work in the morning.

"Bella, really? How was she? It must be getting on for fifteen years now mustn't it, since everything happened?"

"Mom, she's okay, she's a cop. Yeah, more like fourteen years, three months, twenty-six days and…I don't know, eight hours and forty-nine minutes." Okay so I'd never forget that terrible incident that ruined us and our anniversary.

"Darling, are you okay? You seem troubled."

"I'm fine mom, honestly, it's just seeing her again—she looked amazing—and what with me and Tanya at the moment I can't help but wonder how things should have turned out. I know, I know it was a long time ago and we were only kids but I can't help it. Sorry, I'm rambling. How are you?"

"I'm good thanks. I like it here and it gives me a chance to get in touch with my creative side again. I get to renovate this house and there's this company that are looking for a new designer…never know maybe this time I could get my heels under the table."

"Edward? Are you ready?" Dad's voice called from the Garage.

I kissed my mom on the cheek and followed the train of dad's voice. He was already in his Merc ready to drive off. On the way into work we talked all about Tanya and my run in with Bella. He told me that in his eyes and my mothers, my time with Tanya was up—we'd played our game but sometimes it was just ever meant to be—he didn't mean it in a bad way and I had been starting to believe that too though for me it was just being willing to admit it.

Having spoken to Carlisle about this and Esme agreeing too, I could see it clearly now, and I felt ready to admit it. That afternoon I filed for a divorce.


	12. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: Hold up, Hold up, i do believe we have a discussion going on here!! No, i'm sorry tash, Twilight and characters are without doubt property of Stephenie Meyer, no please stop wasting out time. **

**AN: Sorry it's been a while, i've been writing other things and this just kind of slipped the list. Hope you enjoy. Let me know...**

Chapter 11

(Edward's POV)

After two days of staying at Alice's and Jasper's I decided that I should take up the offer of the flat. It was nothing personal, just with divorce and Bella, the whole young love (however they managed to keep that fiasco going is beyond me) scene just wasn't what I needed. They weren't offended by it, they said that they had someone that was coming to stay for a while anyway—not that they mentioned who…

The flat wasn't too bad, not what I was used to; the kitchen was small and the living room was not a regular shape, despite that I felt that I could settle here and be happy. Whether that was anything to do with the flat or the feeling of being free I wasn't sure. I let mom and dad know that I was moving and they both came over to give me a hand with my things.

"Things really not working out then Darling?" Though mom never meant to be patronizing, I couldn't help but take offence.

"Some things are just never meant to be right?" That was exactly her words when I moved home after Bella's pregnancy was publicized all those years ago.

"Son, you know your father and I are here for you. You don't have to move in here, you can always come back home; we're never doing anything. Carl comes around with Alice but other than that we have nothing going on."

"Carl?" Why? If this was Bella's son then I wanted them to stay out of it.

"Yes, Carl. You really should give the both a chance. You have no idea what you're missing—"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing, just well…there are some things you should know…"

"Esme, you promised them. You have to let him find out for himself" Dad cut in which made my patience cease to zero.

"Find out what? What are you hiding from me?"

"Edward, just speak to her. It won't do you any harm just to talk. Maybe you'll even grow to understand." Dad always had the wisest of words for me but today he didn't make even the slightest of sense.

There are always some puzzles in life that go unsolved, and today one had hit me bang, smack, square in the face. It seemed that if this one was to be solved I had to take a trip down memory lane and forgive those who broke my heart. Today I had to forget the tears I had secretly shed, the pain I half-heartedly held, and the one person who had stolen the very essence of my soul. Today, I would face the one nightmare that had never failed to haunt my nights; the night I was brought down further than the crust of the planet we live on; the night my days fell away from light.

I made one phone call I would have never dreamed of making in the last fourteen years.

"Hello?" The high chimed voice rang down the line.

"Alice, are you busy?"

"Who is this?"

"Edward. Are you busy?"

"No, I've got Carl till two but then I'm free."

"Meet me two thirty at Starbucks"

I disconnected without waiting for a reply. I knew she would be there.

Alice was always one for change that was unless we were talking about coffee. I had learnt this through college and hoped now, fourteen years later, that her rule still applied. I was a little early so I went ahead and ordered two rockie roads, a non-fat blackberry latte and a regular mocha.

Alice arrived dead on half past. As she walked in the door, she looked around the room searchingly, when she spotted me she indicted to the tills. In return I pointed to the table and she came on over. She looked into the mug, smelt the contents then returned her attention to me.

"How'd you know?"

"You always said that everything had to change but no-one could ever make you change your coffee."

"You got me there. So what's this all about?"

"Can't we just have coffee with out something being wrong?"

"Edward, you phoned told me to meet you then hung up without my reply or even any sign of an explanation. Anyway with you there's always something going on."

"So you're right, as usual. I need some answers, and you're the first step towards me getting them."

"This is about Bella then?"

"No…not really…kind of…okay, you got me, yes, this is to do with Bella. Alice, mom and dad are hiding things from me; they never hide things from me. Then alls they'd tell me was 'give them a chance' and I don't know what to do. What could they have possibly promised to keep from me? Their own son."

"Your parents have always been loyal people, they've made a promise, they're going to keep it. You have to trust them; they aren't doing it to hurt you."

"You'll have to tell me then! Why are you with Carl so much? What's going on with Bella and what's the big secret?"

"Look Edward, Jasper and I have always seen a lot of Carl, Bella's fine. As for 'the big secret', I can't tell you either. Bella's made us all promise, and you should respect that. If you want to find out, then you're just going to have to fight your demons and go see her. But I warn you, hurt her again and it's me you'll answer to!"

"I have no intentions of hurting her. Alice I saw her. I was driving home from work, when I first got here and she stopped me for speeding. She hasn't changed a bit, still as gorgeous as ever. As soon as our eyes met, I felt like no time had passed and we were back in college. But then I looked deeper and saw the pain in her eyes. I hurt her badly and I'll never forgive myself for that, notify live for a hundred years. Now I've seen her I can't get her face out of my head. I don't know what to do."

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to see her, I want to hold her."

"Go careful, she's had a hard time. Speak to her, but let her come to you. Everything has to be in her own time; you can't push her."

"Do you have her number? I need to do this before I chicken out."

"I can't give you her number, or address, but she's back to work next Monday. She'll be at the station, go there and ask to see Detective Constable Swan. Tread lightly. As for everything with Carl, that'll come in time."

"Thanks Alice. Jasper's a lucky guy; you really are one in a million."

"Well I don't know about that but I do my best. If that dreadful night hadn't had happened God knows where we'd be. You and Bella would probably be happily married, and Rose and Emmett would never have gone their separate ways from us. Things all changed that day you left. Bella became an outcast, Jasper and I won home coming king and queen, Rose moved to London with her work, and Emmett followed and never kept touch. That should have been you and Bella on that stage; instead Bella was hiding in the corner wearing a terrible pair of tracksuit bottoms, and you were nowhere to be seen. Did you even get the prom invitation?"

"Of course I got the invitation, I even turned up. I just couldn't make myself get out of the car. I watched as you and Jasper walked out with your crowns on, I watched as Bella slowly crossed the car park, her stomach so big, she must have been due anytime. Must have been a happy spring for you guys."

"A memorable one, I'll give you that. Jasper and I went back to a hotel suit, three o'clock that morning, I got a phone call. Bella had gone into labour and was asking for me. We got there as soon as we could; Carl was born seven thirty-four the next morning and Jasper and I have been there supporting Bella ever since. Jasper's practically been Carl's dad in life—"

"Did they ever find the father?" I couldn't help but let the murderous tone seep into my voice. Given the chance I would have ripped that monster apart.

"Yeah, we found him."

"Where's he now? S'pose he didn't have a care in the world. Bastard."

"Look, Edward, I've got to go. Thanks for the coffee. It was nice seeing you. Now, don't forget Monday."


	13. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: In my dreams this does not belong to Stephenie Meyer, but we're in reality...go figure**

**AN: Urg...even i want more...okay i became quite addicted to writing this so here's a new chapter within twenty-four hours...there may be one tomorrow night as well if i feel like it, if not it will be wednesday. Enjoy...review please, they make me write faster...**

Chapter 12

(Bella's POV)

_That's why I hate female counsellors!!_ I was so frustrated with today's events that I couldn't even get the key into the lock. _Why can't they just do their job? Why do they have to turn everything around and be so judgemental? 'You really shouldn't look at yourself that way, I mean its not as if you're really ugly is it?' To hell with the chances of me going back again. Right now, I needed a nice relaxing, hot bubble bath. _

I walked through the front door, chucked my keys onto the shelf that was just beside the coat rack and made for the kitchen. First and foremost I needed a drink—a real drink. I opened the cabinet and got out the unopened bottle of Vodka. It wasn't usually like me to drink; in fact I despised it, but today I was pushed to the edge and without a comforting shoulder I had to turn to something stronger. Dragging my sorry body upstairs with the bottle in one hand and my phone in the other, I noticed something different about how I had left the house this morning. There was football kit strewn across the landing and a school bag at the top of the stairs.

"Carl?" Who else could it be? Only Alice had a key for the house and she didn't play football as far as I was aware.

There wasn't any response.

"Alice? Jasper?" I was starting to worry. I hadn't seen a note on the shelf; then again I did just through my keys down. After I didn't receive another response, I put my things down on the stair and walked back to the shelf. There was a note:

_Bells, sorry I know this is real bad timing and all, but Jacob dropped Carl round to ours—said he had to leave town or something, wasn't really paying attention—but Jasper and I need to head out tonight so I wondered if you were well enough to have him back? He'll be home after football practise, but then he's going round to Joe's to play some computer games. Give me a call when you get this please…_

_Love Al x_

Great.

I pressed speed dial two and the dial tone rang in my ear—after three rings Alice picked up.

"Bella, hi, you must have got my note. So sorry." Her voice sped down the line.

"Hey…urm…where to start…do I have to pick up Carl from Joe's?"

"Yeah that would be best; he's there for tea so you don't need to collect him until 9. Are you okay? You don't sound too good."

"Today didn't go too well, but I'll be fine. Would you say I'm a bad mother? I mean I must look like one, or even seem like one to Carl. Everything goes wrong and I don't have space for him…I've got him staying with other people. You're asking me whether I'm fit enough to have him back…"

"No, no, not at all. Everyone goes through times in life where they just need to get away, only difference for you is that Carl doesn't have a dad to take him for half the time, that's why your friends are there to help you. Carl knows how much you love him, and he doesn't mind, he sees it as a bit of a holiday."

"What day is it?"

"It's Thursday…you go back to work on Monday." Her voice sounded as if she was questioning my mental stability and I knew at once that I had to pull myself beck together for Carl's sake if no one else's.

"Okay, I'm onto it. Thanks for everything Al, means a lot."

"Pleasure. Call me if you need anything. Bye."

"Bye." And I hung up. I looked at my watch; it was four-forty-five. I had about four hours left. I could do this. Back upstairs, I turned the water on to start running my bath and took the bottle of Vodka back downstairs. I hadn't drunk any yet and seeing as I now had to go pick up Carl that was a good thing; but I couldn't resist one swig. By the time I was back upstairs the tub was half full so after grabbing my toiletries I settled in. _I can tidy up after. _

I parked up outside Joe's house and stared uncomfortably up at the intimidating feature that stood. _I could do this. _Carl was in there which meant that I didn't have anything to be scared of. I knocked on the door.

"Good evening Detective Swan." Joe's father answered the door, suddenly I had a lapse in memory, and I couldn't remember his name. It made me kind of glad that I could cover that up by correcting him.

"Really call me Bella. I'm not on duty."

"Okay, Bella. Do come in." I followed him into the foyer where he asked me for coffee as the boys were still upstairs gaming. I hastily declined as I was rather hoping to get home and talk to Carl.

Not five minutes later, Carl ran down the stairs and wrapped his growing arms around me.

"Hey mom, I've missed you."

I kissed his head before reassuring him that I had missed him too. Joe and his parents watched us as if we were a family reunited after some terrible natural disaster. I didn't want or need an audience so I hurried Carl's goodbyes and followed him out to the car.

"Mom, you do know that the traffic is so slow because we're in a cop car right?"

"You know, I used to say exactly that to your gramp when I was just a little older than you. I hated it, so he bought me a car as soon as I got my licence. But until then, you kind of get used to it."

"Can you buy me a car? Please mom, it would be so much easier! Pplleeeaaasssseeee!!"

"You're a bit young for a car darling but when you're old enough, we'll look into it."

"Cool, I want one of those really old Volvo's; you know the ones like the old 'Sundown' Movie—the one with the vampires and the werewolves." He paused and stared down at his hands; in which time his mood seemed to grow solemn. "Mom…are you okay?"

"I'm fine darling, just been a little poorly. But now I'm feeling much better. What do you feel like doing when we get back?"

"Bed. Come on I've got school tomorrow!"

"You have? Oh right, if that's what you want…I mean who wants to skive school and have fun anyway?"

"Are you serious? We should drink loads and loads of soda, play twister and have music on really loud!"

"Come on then. When you go back to school 'you were ill' okay?"

"Okay."

_It's not what I'm used too_

_Just want to try it on_

_I'm curi-ous for u_

_Caught my attention_

_I kissed a girl and I liked it_

_The Taste of her cheery chap stick_

_I kissed a girl just to try it_

_Hope my boyfriend don't mind it_

_It felt so wrong it felt so right_

_Don't mean I'm in love tonight_

_I kissed a girl and I liked it_

Katy Perry continued to blare through the stereo speakers. Carl 'rocked-out' with the blue couch as his stage and my hair brush as his microphone. This morning had flown by, we'd managed to play Twister, Cluedo, a rather amusing, commentated round of chess and now we were singing and acting along as the latest rock bands. Just as Carl's song came to an end a loud bang sounded at the door.

I indicated for Carl to turn the music off and act dead on the couch, whilst I answered the door.

"Hi Bella, we thought we'd come to see if you were okay." Carlisle's aristocratic voice rang when he saw me in the doorway.

"Hi Carlisle, Esme. Come on in. Carl's home from school today so don't be alarmed. Go on through to the living area." I took their coats and hung them before following back into Carl.

"Thank-you. Is Carl ill? I do hope not, I enjoyed bowling last Saturday and wondered whether Carl wanted to go again." Esme chummed in her loving tone.

"Really, that would be awesome"

"Carl, why don't you go upstairs and do your homework a minute, whilst I talk to Carlisle and Esme. There's a good lad."

Carl flew up the stairs without hesitation; the rest of us took seats around the dining room table. I made coffee whilst they admired the half finished kitchen/dining room.

"I appreciate you taking Carl out, and I understand why, but I don't know if I can let you. You're doing too much already; you haven't been here a month and Carl's got you taking him places. I feel that I need Edward to understand first, before we let any of this go any further. We don't know that he's okay with you two seeing Carl, after all to him it's just another man's son."

"Bella, we will make him understand. We'll speak to him."

"No, I will. After work Monday I'm going to go around his and tell him everything. It's been a long time and some demons are ready to be let down. I need to so this."

"We'll pick Carl up from School on Monday then."

"Esme, that's lovely of you to offer, but on Mondays he has football then goes round to Alice's for tea. Then Jasper tutors him for an hour."

"He's such a smart boy. You've brought him up so well, and all on your own. Well we're here for you now."

"Not all on my own, Alice and Jasper have always helped and I was married for several years. I'm really proud of him though, and in ways myself. He's proof that I've made it, no matter how tough times have got. And he's what's kept me going. Most people will have remembered me as the girl who got knocked up in college and had a baby all on her own, but I know that without him I wouldn't be here today.

"I would have died the day Edward left me, if I hadn't found out three weeks later that I was pregnant. Well I tried to kill myself and that's when I found out. I kept it because I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I had killed this being that was growing every day. But when it came to, the thing that made me hold on most was the hope that built inside me, that maybe, just maybe the baby wasn't the product of that terrible night, but was part of Edward. So I clung on, and I thank God that I did because Carl is one amazing kid and he deserves to be in this world, no matter how he came to be."


	14. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: All belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

**AN: Sorry it's been a while, for this chapter I needed to be in the right mood. Not to mention that for the past two weeks I have just lost my love of writing - never fear, it's back!!! Though that doesn't mean guaranteed updates as my mock exams start soon and things are getting hectic. Sorry…enjoy this chapter, and I will try to get another up soon…r and r x**

Chapter 13

(Bella POV)

"Great job team, case solved!" I liked to keep my work force in good spirits so I made them feel good about their job as often as I could. With me being away they'd managed to pull together a huge case and successfully arrest the culprit and solved every clue.

I liked my job; our team was usually quite uninvolved with the rest of the force so it was easy to sit back without interruptions - well not sit back, we always had something to keep us occupied. Today was rather quiet though. The station wasn't needed to help out with bigger cases, there weren't any crimes unsolved, or any long term cases that that could be worked on at the moment; most of them were waiting for pieces to be put in place from other stations that were helping. No, today I had a chance to work easy and organize.

Around eleven thirty, the chief called me into his office; I would have predicted the worse, had I been at work any time leading up to today.

"Look Swan…Bella, I know you've had a rough time lately, and I understand your need to have taken time off but…I'm sorry to have to say this…but, well you work better when you're not distracted."

"Chief, I don't understand, there aren't any cases that need my attention today; I only came back today, and I can't see anywhere I've messed up?"

"No, no, no. It's not your work, not at all. You're works fine. I'd just appreciate it if you didn't bring your personal life into the station."

"I'm still lost?"

"The guy you've got waiting for you on the bench. He said he was waiting for you. Am I mistaken?"

"I didn't know anybody was waiting for me. May I enquire as to what this 'guy' looks like?"

"Tall, messy bronze hair, sparkling emerald eyes…" He trailed off into a dream that only I knew too well. I had to snap my fingers in front of his face to bring him back for my voice was unheard.

"I'm sorry sir. I haven't been acquainted with this man in a while, my friend warned me that he was trying to get a hold of me. I will go see him off. My apologies, I didn't mean for this to come into my work." I nodded in his direction - he didn't see me, he was dreaming again - and exited the door.

Walking straight in the direction of 'boredom bench' I wasn't in the best of moods to be dealing with this. In all honesty I couldn't believe that Edward Cullen was here at this station, making my life hell - again! As I reached the front desk (about another six strides from the bench) a pair of dazzling green eyes locked on mine. A crooked smile crept across his face as he moved to standing at my side. My palms became sweaty, my heart rate tripled and butterflies in my stomach lurched.

"Do you have time for lunch?" I was amazed too much to answer. He had sought me out, he hadn't given up. I had completely blown him off, and yet here he was asking again. He must have spoken to someone to know that I wasn't currently in a relationship, otherwise why would he persist. I was reading too much into it. He was probably just here because I had been short with him before and after sharing so much that many years ago, he just wants to speak and see how things are going. I couldn't help the slight disappointment that made itself clear when I came to this conclusion.

"Um…uh, yeah sure, just let me get my things and let somebody know." I hesitated, wanting to ask him why he was here but then turned and went to get my coat.

The chief gave me the rest of the day off; saying that there wasn't anything worthy of my presence here and that if someone was seeking me out at work in the middle of the day it must be important. I was both annoyed and grateful; I wasn't sure whether I was ready to take this step, but then again I needed to. I needed him to know and understand what has been going on all of these years, and how my heart still flutters at the sight of him. Though maybe I wouldn't tell him all of that straight away.

When I returned he was waiting by the door - nearly all of the station was staring at him, trying to be subtle and failing terribly - with his keys at the reading._ Great, like being back at high school, I'd have to ride in his Volvo, as if this wasn't a big enough trip down memory lane. _We walked silently, side by side, out into the car park. I looked around for the Volvo but failed to find one; so I was shocked when Edward nudged me, before leading me in the direction of a new coal black Porsche. I was gob smacked - literally.

Like a gentleman, he opened the passengers door for me and closed it once I was in. The quiet engine purred to life, soon accompanied by the soft melody of Debussy. On the outside Edward hadn't changed a bit; he was still the handsome, smart gentleman I devoted myself to for years, but inside I didn't have a clue what was going on. Today I hoped to find out.

I hadn't noticed how long we'd been traveling, but it couldn't have been long before we pulled up outside 'Bella Italia'. This particular restaurant looked exceedingly posh, I half expected them the ask for a reservation. In the week, I only usually stop for a snack and a mug of tea, then having a quick tea at home whilst working around Carl and everything else that's going on. We were escorted to private booths at the back of the restaurant and given menus. This was exactly as our first date; Edward had collected me from Charlie's, taken me to Port Angeles for a beautiful meal and one memorable night.

"So…how've you been?" Obviously he was feeling slightly awkward about this too. Even that made me feel a little more at ease.

"Not too bad I suppose, given everything I've pulled through on top. What about you? Big company, loving family, gorgeous wife? I used to read magazines…obviously so had everyone else at the station. Sorry about the stares."

"The stares I'm used to, this I am not" He indicated to myself, him and the table before continuing. "I always thought I'd bump into you one day and be none the wiser. How wrong was I?"

"You're telling me. I never thought I'd see the day you'd turn up here, having your success worldwide, who needs little old Chicago eh? So why are you here?"

"New section of the company is regenerating here."

"No. I know that much. I meant here, with me?"

"I don't really know, suppose it was just something that I needed to do. You know, unanswered questions and all. Why are you here?"

"You asked me to come, and I wasn't entirely sure what to do, but I suppose the majority of my reasoning is the same as yours. Curiosity."

"Bella, what's the big secret?"

"I…ur…eh? What do you mean 'the big secret'?"

"Everyone's keeping something from me. My mom and dad, Alice and Jasper. I want to know what it is. It's driving me crazy."

"I'm sorry Edward. Now's not the right time. Why don't we carry on how we were and when the times right you'll know."

"What's wrong with now?"

"Now's just not the right time, not here, not like this. Please, you will know. Trust me, please. For old time's sakes."

His head dropped to his hands and that was the last I heard of it. By him dropping it, I knew that he still felt something too, he trusted me; that was good enough, it was a start. I knew that by keeping this from him I was hurting him in the long term, but right now, I wanted to see something more for myself. For the past fourteen years I had put everyone and everything first. I married Jacob for convenience, lived in Chicago for money, carried on for Carl. This was my chance to do one little favor for myself - in the end it wasn't as if it wouldn't benefit others; that is if it all goes right.

"Bella, I'm really sorry I wasn't there for you, through everything I mean. It was selfish of me to leave and you be left to deal with everything. All these years I have just wanted to turn back time and do it all differently. I wouldn't have taken you to that restaurant that night, then none of this would have happened. Do you ever think about what it could have been like?"

"I've often imagined what it would have been like. But then if none of it had happened then I wouldn't have had Carl. I know that if things had been different I probably would have furthered myself, been able to make my family proud of mw, but things aren't different and it did happen."

"Do the memories still hurt? I wake up every morning to the pain of them, the pain of letting you down, of not being able to protect you…then digging the knife in that little bit more, just because I didn't want us breaking up to be my fault. I'm a coward and I want to make it up to you."

"Yes they still hurt. All that money I spent - that my dad spent - one getting me right again…it was just thrown away. Not only did James walk free capable of doing exactly the same again, but he ruined so many lives. The ghost of that very night haunts my every night, and the shadow of his freedom perturbs my every day. Edward, that night happened for a reason, I see it now as if it was a challenge to us; a challenge that we failed. It doesn't matter though, look where we are now - look where you are."

"I'd throw it all away to be back where we were."

"Don't say that Edward. I've been through too much to be able to love again. Anyway don't you have a wife?" I indicated to his wedding band which he seemed completely oblivious to. He glanced at it, before taking it off and looking back to me.

"I'm in the middle of a divorce. To be honest I've never really taken any notice to the ring on my finger. She meant nothing to me. Could call it a marriage of convenience or status if you will."

"If you're in the middle of a divorce then why are you here will me? Shouldn't you be going out getting pissed, trying to pull girls half your age?"

"I don't want any other girl."

"Look I should be going."

"We haven't even ordered drinks yet. I asked the girl not to come back until I waved her over. I wanted things to ease before we ate." He waved the waitress over, we ordered drinks and food before continuing in a comfortable silence. Often our eyes would catch in a moment that wasn't new to either of us. Often a smile would creep across both our faces after getting caught watching the other.

It was like being a teenager again, like courting again. Like falling in love.

(Edward POV)

I had no idea what shift she would be on so I decided to sit in the station all day until I saw her. She wouldn't escape me today, and she wouldn't have the chance to turn me down either. I wasn't used to being rejected and I didn't like it. Though I could remember that was one of the reasons I fell for Bella all those years ago anyway;' I had girls falling at my feet left, right and center, but not her. She was different and I liked that…though in the beginning it was only a curious challenge.

Many of the officers stared at me as I sat motionless on the bench against the wall that only a few meters down held the door. With the success of my business, and the publicity of my family, I was used to being looked at. Every now and again I'd feel a surge of impatience; not because I was an impatient person but merely because I was nervous. I had no idea what I was going to say to her, how I was going to find out what she wants kept from me, or how in the world I was going to get her to even open up to me.

It had been years and so much had changed. Every seven years, every cell in your body has changed; you're a completely different person. It's been fourteen years, that's two mutations, two different versions of the same person. Granted we had both changed, but seeing as I hadn't had a proper chance to talk to her or get to know her now, I didn't have the faintest clue whether we've grown together or apart, separately. Was it possible for two people to love each other at one point in life, then come back completely different people and love each other again? With my luck I wouldn't push it.

The sheriff came out to greet me after several of his officers had gone in enquiring into my presence. He took me into his office asking me what I was doing here and why I thought it appropriate. I explained that I was here to see Bella and that there wasn't any other time that I could do this, but I was very sorry that it happened to fall into this time and place, disturbing his work force. He bought it and let me go to wait some more outside. I noticed he sent someone into Bella's office. Watching as she reported to his office, I noticed all the soft, subtle curves to her body; even in that bulky uniform she looked gorgeous and perfect.

She wasn't in there long - I imagined he was speaking to her about me; I hoped I hadn't caused her any trouble - but when she came out she didn't look flustered as I had expected; she looked focused. She walked over to the front desk not even attempting to catch my attention. I pretended I hadn't noticed her there until her purposely initiated flick of her long, brown hair caught my eye. I knew that was what she was expecting so I gave it to her. From there I got up and sauntered over to her. I didn't have a clue how I was going to do this but I just went for it.

"Do you have time for lunch?" I wasn't particularly listening for her reply, I knew that if she declined I'd find a way of getting her there. My attention was on her neck line; the soft ivory skin that hugged her collar bone perfectly. I heard her reply as she hesitantly walked to get her coat.

I wasn't going to let her ride in that old Volvo. So yesterday I had taken the liberty in going car shopping. She meant too much to me for me to let her go for the sake of a car - not that she was as shallow as that, I just wanted to give her my best. I couldn't wait to see the look on her face when I walked her to this beauty.

I wasn't disappointed, Bella's face was stunned. I decided to let her gather herself together so we drove in silence, with Clare de Lune to sooth our thoughts. I'd managed to collect myself in the waiting but this had just been sprung on Bella and I appreciated that. I wanted this to go well so she had to be comfortable too. As much as I processed these moments I wasn't quite sure how I was going to get them to fit. This could just end the same as last time, then where do I go? Do I push again and keep trying until I get the response I want? Or do I take it for what it is, and let life take its course? I didn't know and nobody here was going to give me answers.

Remembering every single date I had been on with Bella, I wanted to give her a little something to see if her mind was in the same place - we went to 'Bella Italia'. Watching her eyes closely as we got out of the car and made our way towards the entrance, I noted that she recognized the name and it held a little spark in her heart as it did mine. Although we were both different people two times over from what we were last time we had this connection I knew that it still had that same significance to the both of us and there was no way to hide it.

I didn't want us to be disturbed so I slipped the waitress a fifty and a note that I had wrote in anticipation of this moment into the pocket of her piney without Bella noticing. We'd have uninterrupted time to talk before we even had to consider food. But now that we were here, where I had planned. I couldn't help but want this moment done with and the secrets out bare on the table. I was prepared for whatever she was going to say.

"So…how've you been?" Breaking the ice was never my forte so I had never improved upon it. In time I had learnt that if a woman wanted to make something known then they'd say it, they wouldn't beat around the bush it would just come out.

"Not too bad I suppose, given everything I've pulled through on top. What about you? Big company, loving family, gorgeous wife? I used to read magazines…obviously so had everyone else at the station. Sorry about the stares." I was amazed that she had looked for me in magazines and noticed me - the thought left a warming spot in my chest.

"The stares I'm used to, this I am not" I indicated to myself, him and the table before continuing, I didn't want to take her too fast. "I always thought I'd bump into you one day and be none the wiser. How wrong was I?"

"You're telling me. I never thought I'd see the day you'd turn up here, having your success worldwide, who needs little old Chicago eh? So why are you here?"

"New section of the company is regenerating here."

"No. I know that much. I meant here, with me?"

"I don't really know, suppose it was just something that I needed to do. You know, unanswered questions and all. Why are you here?"

"You asked me to come, and I wasn't entirely sure what to do, but I suppose the majority of my reasoning is the same as yours. Curiosity."

"Bella, what's the big secret?" Blunt was always the best approach in my opinion. If you want answers then the trick is to catch them off guard.

"I…ur…eh? What do you mean 'the big secret'?"

"Everyone's keeping something from me. My mom and dad, Alice and Jasper. I want to know what it is. It's driving me crazy."

"I'm sorry Edward. Now's not the right time. Why don't we carry on how we were and when the times right you'll know."

"What's wrong with now?" She wasn't going to tell me so what was the point. My plan had backfired, I wasn't getting the information I had come here for. The sinking feeling inside me only made me more aware of where I was.

"Now's just not the right time, not here, not like this. Please, you will know. Trust me, please. For old time's sakes."

I dropped my head in my hands to try to think of a way to recover from this. We hadn't eaten yet so despite me not being able to get the few answers I had come here for, I settled for trying to get to know her better. I liked the thought of spending time with her so the fact that I wouldn't get what I had initially bothered me didn't completely over rule my drive. After all she had asked me to trust her, and she said when the time is right she'd tell me, that immediately initiates another meeting between us.

"Bella, I'm really sorry I wasn't there for you, through everything I mean. It was selfish of me to leave and you be left to deal with everything. All these years I have just wanted to turn back time and do it all differently. I wouldn't have taken you to that restaurant that night, then none of this would have happened. Do you ever think about what it could have been like?"

"I've often imagined what it would have been like. But then if none of it had happened then I wouldn't have had Carl. I know that if things had been different I probably would have furthered myself, been able to make my family proud of mw, but things aren't different and it did happen."

"Do the memories still hurt? I wake up every morning to the pain of them, the pain of letting you down, of not being able to protect you…then digging the knife in that little bit more, just because I didn't want us breaking up to be my fault. I'm a coward and I want to make it up to you."

"Yes they still hurt. All that money I spent - that my dad spent - one getting me right again…it was just thrown away. Not only did James walk free capable of doing exactly the same again, but he ruined so many lives. The ghost of that very night haunts my every night, and the shadow of his freedom perturbs my every day. Edward, that night happened for a reason, I see it now as if it was a challenge to us; a challenge that we failed. It doesn't matter though, look where we are now - look where you are."

"I'd throw it all away to be back where we were."

"Don't say that Edward. I've been through too much to be able to love again. Anyway don't you have a wife?" She looked down to my left hand, I knew what she was looking at but I didn't follow suit; if I had she would have thought me under cautious when really the band around my finger was of complete insignificance. I took it off.

"I'm in the middle of a divorce. To be honest I've never really taken any notice to the ring on my finger. She meant nothing to me. Could call it a marriage of convenience or status if you will."

"If you're in the middle of a divorce then why are you here will me? Shouldn't you be going out getting pissed, trying to pull girls half your age?"

"I don't want any other girl."

"Look I should be going."

"We haven't even ordered drinks yet. I asked the girl not to come back until I waved her over. I wanted things to ease before we ate." I waved the waitress over, we ordered drinks and food before continuing in a comfortable silence. I liked the moments where our eyes met and we were teenagers again. Nothing had changed, it was just us; Bella and Edward. Like it should have always been; if I hadn't messed it up.

I watched a smile grow across her blushing cheeks and felt my heart skip a beat. This was what my marriage with Tania had lacked and my relationship with Bella had always guaranteed. The one thing I missed most; the unspoken understanding…love.


	15. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: All of which follows belongs to Ms Stephenie Meyer**

**AN: Sorry it's been a while since my last update, things have been a bit hectic, anyway I lost inspiration, so this chapter is dedicated to lost-girl666, her review brought back some of my inspiration and reminded me why I loved writing. Please review, it really does help me… x**

Chapter 14

(Edward's POV)

Going back to mom and dad's later that day was strange. Everything seemed different. Colors were brighter, sounds were sharper and everything seemed happier. My day with Bella had lightened my world in many ways that I never thought possible, and the best thing about it was that she didn't even know that she was doing it. We had dined then walked around the park, talking, laughing, sharing. Though right now, I was sure I didn't have any effect on her like she had me. It was too soon to let her know that I felt this way - I knew that, I was just struggling with how I was going to stick to it.

Other than Bella, my mind was occupied by how I was going to get through tonight with my parents without them figuring out that I've completely changed in under twenty-four hours. It wasn't going to be possible, but then again I could use that to my advantage. If I told them that I spent the day with Bella, then they may think I know what the secret is and slip me in on it. I knew that would mean that I was betraying both Bella and my parents but in the end would it be worth it? Bella had trusted me, and my parents thought highly of me, could I destroy that for this secret - a secret that everyone thought so important that only one person could let me in on it, and it had to be on the right timing.

"Evening son, how was your day?" I had to act normal, the one person who could read me was always my mom, and I didn't think this time would be any different.

"My day was ecstatic! There's no words to describe it right." I couldn't help myself, I threw my arms around her and practically sang my joy.

"That's great son, now something big must have caused all of this, do I have such pleasure as to know what's happened?"

"I saw Bella today, and know I feel all light and warm again. I didn't feel this with Tanya, this is like being young again. Her eyes, the warmth and unexpected depth of them - who knew eyes could hold such meaning? And her hair, oh the way it flows down her back with the shine of red in the sun; then there's her skin, the way it covers her body perfectly, hugging all the right places…"

"Sound's like somebody's falling in love again."

"Mom, I can't love her. Bella and I were in the past, besides…she doesn't feel the same way. Look its complicated and just because I'm feeling this way, doesn't mean I can rekindle our connection and make her feel like she makes me feel."

"Darling that's not true. You two were perfect together, and I think that what happened in the past was meant to tear you two apart - don't look at me like that, let me finish - so that destiny would takes its course and you'd be thrown together again and see what you mean to each other. You can ask your father, he'd agree with me, you two are the real deal when it comes to this."

" I'm going to prove to her that I can deal with this. I'm going to be there for her, and for Carl. He sound's like an amazing kid, hopefully nothing like his father, and I want to be there, I missed fourteen years of both their lives and I don't intend to miss anymore."

"You know! Isn't it just wonderful? Did you see him? And the sim -"

"Mom, I don't know what you're talking about." I was going to be the good guy, Bella had asked this of me, it was the least I could do. "Look, all's I know is that I can't know yet, not until the time's right. I owe Bella this much."

"That's good of you son…um, tell you what, can you call your father and see if you two can have a guy's night? I've started dinner, but there's something I've forgotten to do so I won't be able to finish it I'm sorry. I think you both need time together anyway."

"Sure thing. Is everything okay? Do you need help with anything?"

"No I'm fine, just do that, turn off the dinner, I'm going to go make a call in the study then I'll be off. Carlisle will be home in about thirty minutes, but you will be able to reach him on his cell. Thank you Edward."

With that she all but ran to the study.

(Bella POV)

Carl and I were settling down to dinner, when the phone started ringing. I wouldn't usually answer it while we were eating, but after my day I was all out of sorts. My head was in the clouds, my heart was fluttering and I found it exceedingly hard to stay still.

"Hello?"

"Hello Bella, this is Esme."

"Oh hi, Esme, how are you?"

"I'm fine thanks. I was wondering whether you're busy right now?"

"Only having tea with Carl. Is there a problem? Is everyone okay? Is Edward okay?"

"Everyone's doing okay, but we need to talk. Is that possible?"

"Uh, hold on a second." I put the receiver to my shoulder so that I could speak to Carl. "Carl, are you going out tonight?"

"I was going to go play baseball with a few mates but I don't have to."

"That's fine go have fun." Putting the receiver back to my ear I got ready to face what I thought was going to be an angry mom - she must have spoken to Edward already.

"Hi, Esme? Yeah that's fine can you come around?"

"I'll be there in ten. Bye"

The dial tone rang in my ear, the sound of the front door closing reverberated around the house, and in that moment I felt everything sink. My first heart lifting day in a while was about to fall to ruins - I knew it, Esme knew it, and there was nothing I could do to save it. I'd seen Esme disappointed in someone before, it was the heaviest feeling to bare. The loudest silence I had ever heard haunted me in that moment; a moment of pure loneliness.

A quickly cleared the dinner away and tried to make the house look as neat as it possible could in five minutes. Hearing a car pull up out front, I flicked the kettle on before opening the door. We greeted each other as I led her to the couch. I'd never experienced an awkward moment with Esme, but as they say there's a first time for everything. As I made our cups of tea, she sat awkwardly in my sitting room. Was I going to have to make the first move or would she break the ice?

After handing the mug of tea to her, she seemed to relax a little.

"Look Bella, you know I adore you, and promised to keep this secret, but you need to tell him. I can't be an accomplice in the heart break of my son."

"Esme, I'm really sorry. You have to believe me when I tell you I was going to tell him today, just when we started talking it felt like old times, and…well there's no other way to put it other than I'm falling for him all over again. I didn't think I'd ever be able to find this feeling again, especially not with Edward. Sitting in that restaurant today I just forgot everything and actually felt again. You don't realize how much of a big thing that is for me. That one night stole everything from me, and now I'm beginning to get it back. What if Edward doesn't like what I'm going to tell him? What then? Do I just fall away, become the empty shadow I was before? I can't go back there not now. I know there's not a hope in hell of Edward feeling the same way towards me again but I've got to try."

"He feels exactly the same way for you as he did that day your eyes crossed in biology. I'm his mother, I can read him better than anybody, despite what he likes to think. He's besotted by you, and he's going to try and do anything to make it up to you, and he's going to start with Carl. So you need to tell him before he finds out for himself. He'll only hold it against you if he doesn't find out through your words alone. Carlisle and I will take Carl tomorrow if you promise to find Edward and tell him the truth, then you and him can come back to ours and we'll have a big family meal."

"It's not going to be that easy, he'll hate me!!!"

"He has a right to know! It's not like you can keep it a secret forever anyway. He's planning on staying here, you're not going to get rid of him. And what about Carl? Don't you think he has a right to know the truth? It's more than obvious that Edward is the father of that boy, now stop dawdling around it and patch up this family. Speaking for myself and Carlisle, to know that we missed fourteen years of our grandson's life is hard enough, but for Edward, for him to miss that and the days that you're adding on to that will be heartbreak. He hates himself enough for leaving you already without knowing the truth, how do you think he'll react then?"

"Carl knows, he just doesn't know the name. I told him when he was old enough to understand that there was a terrible incidence that brought him into the world. I told him the fall story. He's got his grand-parents now hasn't he? I can't tell Edward tomorrow, I will meet up with him, but I'll show him, let him believe what he wants. He can make the decision whether he is the father or not."

"Bella, I know that you have led a selfless life - apart from the sisters of church you're the purest there is on this planet - I'm only asking one more selfless act. If it doesn't work out then I'll be here to pick up the pieces and I'll help you find your own way. But I need you to do this. Imagine what your mother would have been like if you were Edward. Or imagine how you'd feel if Edward was Carl."

"I need Edward's cell number."


	16. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: Not my characters, but my twisted thoughts around them**

**AN: Okay so I can't say how sorry I am that I haven't updated in such a long time and any excuse that I come up with is just beyond unacceptable. So alls I have to say for it is that I've been in a bad place where writing was just the last thing on my mind. Even now its not great, especially in the middle of life changing exams but hey, it came to me…enjoy and please, please tell me what you think, even if its just to rant at my lack of update…xx**

Chapter 15

(Edward's POV)

_What could be so urgent that Bella needed to see me first thing in the morning? _As I lay in bed I contemplated what had happened. Maybe she knew I had feelings for her and wanted to ask me to stay away, or maybe she felt the same way…I tried not to let my mind run away with the possibilities but it being two a.m. the odds of sleeping were running at a minimum.

We had arranged to meet at eleven at Starbucks on Broad Street. I'd be there for half ten, then get into work after I'd seen her. I'd spoke to Carlisle about it, and he seemed fine, but then when I spoke to mom again she didn't have the enthusiasm that she held earlier. I thought about asking her if everything was okay with what she had to do this evening but decided better of it; I would respect her privacy, if she wanted to talk about it she would.

Eventually I must have fallen asleep as I didn't see the clock again until it was shouting ten at me. I all but threw myself out of bed and into the shower. It wouldn't take me five minutes to get there but I still wanted to be early and looking good. Grabbing my car keys and ruffling my hair in the mirror by the front door, I noticed that I had in fact managed to put on a white shirt and beige jumper - this was going to go down well at work. _'__Off to the country club are we Cullen? Off for a nice spot of golf?__'_Well at least I'm of a high enough status to put them in their place.

On opening the door I was hit with the frozen breeze that chilled both my skin and the rain drops that then followed. I hoped I had left my jacket in the car, as I continued to make for the car without going back to look. I didn't want to let my mind wonder again so I changed the CD before speeding down the street.

xoxoxoxox

"Edward, I'm really sorry. Know that before I tell you. What I've done is very wrong, but I didn't know what else to do" She looked down into her coffee, and alls I wanted to do was to be able to take her pain away.

"It doesn't matter to me how wrong it is. As long as you're okay, that's all that matters. Honest."

"It concerns a lot of people, especially you. There's no easy was to put it…Carl's father isn't the rapist, Edward - he's yours."

"No. You're joking? He can't be mine, we never, you know; we never had sex without going careful. It's wrong, you're wrong."

"Edward, I'm not wrong and you'll know that when we pick him up from school in a minute. Everyone can tell he's yours. Your mom and dad knew at first glance. Look, come with me; we'll take your car. He needs a new football kit, we'll take him to the mall. Seriously Edward, he's like a clone of you."

I didn't know what to do. The kid couldn't be mine; there wasn't a chance in hell of that. I knew me and Bella were serious through high school and collage, but I would have never let anything happen with the chance of conceiving a child; neither of us were ready or responsible enough. Well, I wasn't Bella has clearly proven to everyone that she could do it. But mine? I wouldn't believe my eyes.

"He can't be, I…Look Bells…What my parents knew?! They would have said something, and you know Carlisle he never believes anything without the scientific evidence behind it."

"Just come with me please. When you see, you're going to hate me more because you'll realize and despise me for keeping him from you. You don't have to believe me now but I've arranged to pick him up at half twelve so we need to get going."

"Bella, if you want to give us another try, alls you have to do is just say. You don't need to make up some kind of excuse to hook me. I think I still have feelings for you, so I'd be more than happy to try."

"Edward, get real. We happened over fourteen years ago, you're probably just looking for a rebound from your lost wife. This isn't about us, this is about my…our son. Look if you don't come I'll just get your dad involved, I already have his support."

The drive across town seemed to take forever. I refused to even contemplate the possibility of Carl being my son; he wasn't my mistake, so he certainly wasn't my son. I didn't ask why Bella had to collect him from school early, I didn't ask why we were going to get him a football kit, and I didn't ask anything about him. This child, this mistake was one of the reason's I had left all those years ago, so it wasn't like I was going to attach myself to the devil's son now. Had I ever the chance to go back and make that monster feel the slightest bit of the pain he had caused us I would have. Had I the chance to take back that night and I do it all differently I would have. If it were in my power I'd have done a lot differently. I should have stayed.

This wasn't the child's fault—neither was it Bella's.

I hadn't realized but we had pulled up outside a large red brick building. Bella had started to pull herself out of the car when I realized that this was it. Within the next ten minutes my life outlook could have a completely different path to what it was this second.

"Bella wait…I don't…I don't know if I'm ready for this—"

"Edward nobody's ever really ready for something like this. You really think I was prepared to bring up a child? Look the worst that could happen is that you walk away." With that her back turned and she disappeared.

Esme's POV

_He's not going to deal with this. He won't even believe it. He'll deny every resemblance. What have I set Bella up for? She'll never deal with him throwing everything off._

"Esme? Esme are you okay? Honey talk to me, what's gong on?"

"Carlisle, I've done something terrible. I couldn't stand keeping the secret any longer—"

"You've told him? Are you insane? This is Edward we're talking about! Forget that, what about Bella?!"

"No I haven't told him, I'm not that stupid give me some credit. I went to Bella. I've forced her to tell him. Then I had a note from Edward 'Can you please tell Dad that I may not make it into work today; Bella called and needs to see me urgently'. Carlisle, he's not going to believe her. It's going to break her heart; her world will fall apart and it's my entire fault. I had a moment of weakness and I've most probably ruined at least two lives." Tight arms wrapped around me as I found sobs escaping my soul.

"Darling, calm, everything's going to be just fine. I went to see Bella also. I was struggling to look our son in the face. We did a paternity test, the results came back this morning, and he's definitely a Cullen. Edward can't escape this, and if he did it wouldn't be your fault it would be his."

I stared him blankly in the face; he hadn't told me. I'd been sick with worry since the drive back from Bella's last night.

"I've told her to call me, as soon as he tries to bolt, so it's okay. They're going to the mall so that Edward can observe without creating a scene, and then they're coming back here. Everything's sorted. I wouldn't have let it fall any other way."


	17. Notice

Hi everyone...I know its been a really long time since an update...could say I lost all inspiration and faith in all that is Twilight when all the films came out. However I have been writing a lot again lately....So I'm wondering if there's anyone who wants me to finish this story? Please let me know....

Thanyouu xxx


	18. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: Not mine.....well the characters aren't.**

**AN: So here it is, the chapter thats taken a year....thanks to everyone who reviewed, wanting this story to carry on, it's because of you that its here...enjoy....chapters will be up twice weekly now, thursdays and sundays....so keep an eye out :) lets get this one finished....inspiration needed so please continue to review ....**

Chapter 16

(Bella's POV)

There was no way that I could avoid this; I suppose the nudge from Carlisle and Esme was what I really needed. I was never going to find the 'right' time to tell him. Or to tell him that in all this time he's actually been the one guy in my life that I'd never be able to escape – no matter how far across the world he was. I'd always have parts of him in my life, whether it was the physical part being that I was watching his son grow up right in front of my eyes, or that I had the weight of the guilt of every mistake I ever made fourteen years ago, or that one night that changed everything, or that I kept the biggest thing in the world away from him – though I was still undecided whether the biggest thing was actually my heart or our son. So in a lot of ways I deserve all the pain and awkwardness that I'm feeling now – and will feel a lot for however long this lasts. I so wish Doctor Who was real…

"Hello Miss Swan, Carl is just finishing his calculus quiz then he'll be right with you. I'm very sorry for what the social is putting you through. It is clear to anyone how much you adore him." Barbra…I do hate lying to her, she is such a caring woman and has always been around to help. Though technically I'm not completely lying, in this case Edward is the social; he's his dad and this is just as important as Carl being taken away from me.

"Thanks, I know everything's going to work out fine with me and Carl; I think it's just that the new doctor's worrying about him being deprived of a father figure; although as you know Jasper's always been there. Oh well, we'll just see how today goes."

"Mom, you're making me miss soccer practice…" Carl never really liked missing school.

"You don't like soccer. Anyway, it won't take long. Come on the car's waiting outside." We turned to walk away. "Thanks Barbra"

Moment of truth.

***

I offered to help Esme clear up after dinner but she refused. I knew Edward was dealing with this in his own way, so I wasn't surprised when he and Carlisle took a walk through the woods. Carl sat on the sofa playing CoD4 on Carlisle and Esme's latest investment of the X-box 360 – like they needed one. I sat in the armchair watching him. He's always looked a picture of Edward, but even now just the way he's sat playing all nonchalant in a perfectly postured way. Those piercing emerald eyes focused on the tiny details of the screen. Then he turned to me.

"Mom?"

"Yes son?"

"Why did we leave school to go shopping? And who is that man who came with us? And why was he staring at me funny? And why am I not out at my club with Jasper? Is everything okay?"

"That's a lot of questions. Let me see. We left school to go shopping because my friend – which is the man who was 'staring at you funny' – wanted to meet you but today was the only time he could make it because he's a very busy man. I don't think he was staring at you as such, more just observing, taking you in and being shocked at just how gorgeous you are…what was next? Ah Jasper…well Jasper and Alice have gone out tonight, because it's their anniversary and besides Carlisle and Esme invited us over. Everything is going to be just fine."

"But – " Carl was cut midsentence by Esme entering the room. He turned straight back to his game and I followed Esme back to he kitchen as she requested.

"Bella are you going to tell Carl?"

"I'm waiting for Edward on that. I mean if Edward doesn't want to be a part of this then is there any point hurting Carl because of it? Carl knows that his dad is someone special and that one day, he's going to be just like him. I'm just letting Edward adjust; after all it is the biggest news on the planet."

***

(Edward's POV)

"Carlisle how is all of this possible?"

"Son I'm not going to go into the story of the birds and the bees, you know all of this. You know how it's all possible: more than that I can see that you've accepted it. To be honest I didn't think you'd get through it initially. I thought you'd deny the resemblance and try to walk away, only to come back. It's good to know you've skipped that stage."

"How could I not dad, I mean look at him? It's me. He's me. He's a part of me. Does he know who I am?"

"No. Bella's never told him exactly, just that his dad is someone special and that he's going to grow up to be just like him. I think she's waiting for your reaction before opening up too much. She's protecting him."

"This is messed up." We walked in silence.

"Dad, I want to be for him what you've been for me. Help me to be his father. Please."

***

I knew what I had to do. I would go to Bella's I would talk to her, and then I'd arrange to pick Carl up after school and take him out by myself. Though that may creep the kid out a little seeing as to him really I'm a complete stranger. This was going to take a while. One stage at a time. Bella.

I looked at the clock; it was two-fifty am, she would never be awake. I'm never going to get to sleep. Bella always used to be a heavy sleeper so if I called and she was awake she'd answer but if she was asleep it wouldn't make a difference. Yes, I'd call her…

"'ello?" a strained voice sounded after the fifth tone.

"Bella? Is that you? Did I wake you? Sorry."

"Edward. What are you calling for this time of the morning? My shift starts at six."

"Sorry, just needed to speak to you. Well I need to meet up with you. You're lunch break?"

"Okay…ur…one-thirty…in Starbucks…and for waking me up, you're paying."

"Thank-you. See you then. Sleep well special" I hung up.

***

(Esme's POV)

"Carlisle this isn't going to work!"

"How is it not? Bella can't live in that pokey house forever; that's our grandchild and when Edward finally gets his ass into gear him and Bella will be as good as new it would be the perfect gift."

"It's too soon, we're jinxing it all."

"But we're not. I've spoken to Edward, he wants to be there; he wants to be a dad; he wants to take on everything he's missed. Our son has grown up to be a fine gentleman, he's going to do the right thing and he'll do it as he knows best…with my advice of course. He's seeing Bella today. Never know you might actually get called 'Grams'?"

He wrapped his arm around me and I knew he was right. It was all going to work out fine.


	19. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: well it says it all itself...disclaimer=not mine**

**AN: Nothing much to say, but sorry that it wasn't sunday...got a bit distracted and forgot to upload...enjoy...and don't forget to let me know what you're thinking xx  
**

Chapter 17

(Bella's POV)

It was done, nothing else could change things. I would plan to meet Edward tomorrow at lunch, then it would all be over. How could I have expected this to have gone anything but wrong? It was stupid; I should have got away as soon as I knew he was back. Well at least the only person I've hurt in this is me and I didn't matter, so we could move away and pretend that nothing happened.

*Phone Rings*

I picked up the phone and saw that it was Edward. I couldn't let him know that I was up thinking/worrying about this. I waited then answered as if just woken up – I'd had practice at this what with trying to gain some independence from Charlie after everything happened.

"'ello?"

"Bella? Is that you? Did I wake you? Sorry." How had it been so many years and my heart still skip the very beat at the first sound of his voice? How had everything changed, yet at the end of the day everything was the same? How is it, that for the first time in a long time, I feel nearly whole again?

"Edward. What are you calling for this time of the morning? My shift starts at six."

"Sorry, just needed to speak to you. Well I need to meet up with you. You're lunch break?" He can't feel the same….

"Okay…ur…one-thirty…in Starbucks…and for waking me up, you're paying."

"Thank-you. See you then. Sleep well special" He hung up. 'Special'? We couldn't go back to the beginning, could we?

If there was even the slightest chance of me sleeping before he had called, it was gone now. Edward wanted to see me…

_*Good morning early birds of Chicago, its four-forty AM on this fine Tuesday morning and you're listening to Jack and Keira on East-coast-beats*_

"Mum!!!!"

"Carl? What is it? What are doing awake at this hour?" I turned to jump out of bed, but he was already at my side.

"You need to wake up…you have to go back to work today. I was just making sure you're ready." I smiled at me, but it wasn't his usual sarcastic smile. Something in his eyes was too tight for his innocent face.

"That doesn't answer why you're awake. You always sleep past your alarm clock."

"Actually mum, I haven't slept well…I've been thinking. Well looking."

"What do you mean looking?"

"In the mirror. I look exactly like that man from yesterday."

"Son, you're much better looking."

"Be serious mum. He was really awkward around me, he kept staring at me, and we look the same. Even you were nervous and kept checking me out the corner of your eye. When are you going to realize I miss nothing? I'm a genius in the making. Ask Jasper." His mood lightened slightly, having got it all off his chest.

"I'm sorry Carl, I know you're a smart kid. Edward is a very old friend of mine. In fact we were together for years, until one night we went out for a meal and something terrible happened which meant we couldn't be together anymore. It wasn't until after that that I found out I was pregnant with you. Through the pregnancy nobody thought of Edward because of the night that we got separated, and it wasn't until you got older that it became apparent who you really are. Edward is you're biological father. He had no idea, as I had no way of contacting him until he came back a couple weeks ago.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is don't blame him. He was just as shocked as you are, if not more so. I think he wants to be around, but we need to give him time to adjust. I'm also guessing you need some time too?"

"Is Jasper about today? I don't feel like school anymore." The change in tone was worrying, I'd never hidden anything from him, I'd never had to look him into the eyes knowing that what I was about to say wouldn't make him feel better.

"I'm not sure I could give him a call. Are you okay? I'm so sorry."

"Let me know if he's about please; I'll be in my room." With that he slipped out. I stared at the wall for a while, trying to register what had happened. Could this be happening? I wanted to wait, I didn't want him to hurt unnecessarily.

It took me a while to readjust, he could be angry at me, he had every right. I knew that I was just trying to protect him, but from this may have been a mistake. It was his dad. Now alls I had to hope was that Edward wasn't going to run off without even getting to know him. That trail of thought reminded me that Carl wanted to see Jasper.

I picked up the phone and hit quick-dial; I knew it was early but Alice was always up and they never seemed to mind.

"Bella? Is everything okay?" Of course she would be panicked with me calling at five in the morning.

"Hi Alice, nobody's in any bodily harm. Though I do need some help."

"Anything."

"I was hoping you'd say that. Well Carl knows who Edward is. He asked this morning having spent the night piecing it together and I couldn't lie to his face, that wouldn't have been fair, however now he's freaking out and keeps asking for Jasper."

"Em, calm down. We'll both be over in about an hour. You're not going to work today, I'll call in, Jasper will come take Carl for the day, see if he can get through to him, and I'll come spend the day with you to stop you from freaking out. We can't have a repeat of the last fourteen years starting now. I won't let Edward do this to you again. What did he do when he found out?"

"I don't know, he didn't really talk, just watched him; and then went off with Carlisle when we got back there for dinner. He called early hours this morning asking to see me today. I've got to meet him at one-thirty in Starbucks. Maybe we could go shopping, then I go see him and catch you up again after. I need some major retail therapy and I' sure you've been very repulsed about my choice of attire lately?"

She couldn't quite contain her excitement, saying that she needed to hurry and get ready to be with me for when the shops opened. I reminded her it was only five am, only to find out that time was just a number. With hurried goodbyes, I got up to tell Carl that Jasper would be here in an hour.

I walked into his room to see him curled up into a ball against his headboard. I wasn't sure that approaching him would be the best thing but I couldn't resist the protective feeling filling me. He was hurting, whether it was my fault or not, he needed comforting.

"Jasper's going to be here in an hour. I'll phone school when it opens to say you're ill, so you have the day to get yourself sorted." I didn't get a reply so I took to leave; I reached the stairs before I heard him call out. At the sound of his voice, I went to rush back but didn't want to seem overprotective. "Everything okay?"

"I'm sorry." He turned his back to me again; I knew that was all I'd get from him today.

"None of this is your fault Carl."

Alice and Jasper arrived just after six. I knew they were both worried now; Jasper must have been really worried about Carl as to take the whole day off and bring the sports car to take him out. I knew he'd be more successful that me with getting something out of him. They headed off as soon as Carl finished his breakfast, where as Alice sat in the kitchen staring at me and tutting to herself every now and again.

"Alice, you can't doing anything about my outfit from that seat, you know where my closet is." With that she was up the stairs.

I took that time to sort out the kitchen and collect my thoughts. If I were to take much more time off of work I'd be deducting from my savings as to keep this house running, and it's not much of house at that. However, I knew that if I'd gone to work today, I knew I'd be more likely to commit a crime than solve one. Alice was right, and I needed some new clothes; especially if Edward was going to be around. Not to impress but not to look like I've been slumping around waiting; however having saying that Alice would use Edward's return as an excuse to get me back into Victoria's Secret.

By the time Alice thought me acceptable to leave it was getting on for seven-thirty. I had to remind her that stores didn't open until nine, but she just looked at me as if I'd been a hermit for the past ten years. We took my shabby, old truck, only for a requested pit stop at the Audi garage along the way. I had no idea why but apparently Alice had connections and today she desperately needed to call in a favor. I just sat in the truck and waited…that was until a young man came to me, greeted me by name and asked me to following him.

Why wasn't I surprised? If Jasper was taking the sports car out with Carl, of course Alice would have to find some other way of making an entrance. Today being swapping my truck for a new Audi coupe. I really hope this wasn't permanent. Why was it that all my friends had to be rich and glamorous? Oh yeah, because they'd all made something of themselves. I couldn't be jealous of them, I had Carl. Yes, Alice and Jasper had Ruby but I and Carl would always have a closer connection—or at least I liked to think so. Our story went much deeper. I would never say that out loud; sometimes my head was too messy to be shared. I didn't mean my thoughts to be offensive to others; I just wanted something to be special for me…seeing as I couldn't have the special things I had dreamed of.

Alice decided she would drive, which much like Edward used to be, meant that we'd be in town in half the time it would take me to get to the gas station a few blocks away. Could I be as open with Alice about Edward now as I had been all those years ago? Was I ready for it to be that real? To share this with Alice would mean opening my heart up again, trusting people again. Though if I was meeting Edward today I would be able to find out what was really going on, then I could open up after all she would be the one that I'd be spending all of my time with when he tells me that he can't do this.

"For Christ's sake Bella, get out of your own head. We're nearly here and the whole way you haven't said a thing. Carl doesn't hate you, you know? He's just shocked and worried how to react around you. He doesn't want to offend you."

"He'll open up to Jasper. Just don't want him getting hurt again. People leave enough as it is. I can't get a hold of Jacob and he didn't even say goodbye to Carl."

"You can't seriously be thinking about Jacob right now? Don't you even get why he left?"

"What do you mean, why he left? He didn't say goodbye, he didn't say anything."

"It's because Edward's back! He's still crazy about you, but doesn't want to be second best in Carl's life as well as yours. He was okay being Carl's dad when there wasn't any competition, but then he saw Edward and knew what everyone else would see and didn't want to experience the pain in front of everyone. He'll be back one day."

"Did he tell Carl this? Carl just thinks he left; changed his mind."

"Bella, what's going on with you? You're all different again. Its like you're happy but not letting yourself be…like you're scared of feeling." I just stared out of the windshield as she parked the car in a multistory. I would have this conversation after coffee with him and not a moment before. I hadn't realized that she's walked off to get the ticket, until she looked back at me and gasped. Within seconds she was back, grapping her purse and my arm in one and pulling in the direction of the mall.

"You still love him!! You didn't tell me. Bella, are you sure you're ready for this?"

"I thought we were here to shop Alice. I can't talk about this yet."

"You can and you will"

"Alice, no. Not until I've spoken to him."

"He feels the same you know."

"Don't be ridiculous, you can't know such a thing."

"He told me, I told him to leave you alone. I can't see you that broken again Ems, I know I'm your friend so I'm supposed to help you in all you do—and I will—I just saw what it was like last time."

"It's not the same Alice, we both two completely different people. Besides there's Carl to consider."


	20. Chapter 18

_**Disclaimer:** Just a mere manipulation of the wonderful mind of Ms Stephenie Meyer_

_**AN:** I want to start by apologising for not writing in a long time, just I had an idea for anoher story and have been working on that...you're going to love it...when I get around to posting...however I'm going to really try my best to update and keep writing now...anyway I will stop rambling and let you read the much awaited chapter..._

Chapter 18:

(Edward's POV)

I must have managed to fall asleep knowing that I'd be seeing Bella tomorrow, as the next time I looked at the clock it was eight-thirty. I decided that I'd pop into work this morning, see dad then make my way into town on my lunch break. That way, I'm able to keep myself occupied so that I'm not stewing over what I'm going to say—I've never been one for revision or rehearsal so seemed silly to pick up the habit now. With that thought in mind I hoped out of bed, into the shower and into the car.

I was rather pleased that I had decided to get this Porsche in order to impress Bella; I was enjoying it more than I thought I would. Usually I go for the less conspicuous cars in such areas and leave the sports cars to holidays but it was nice to get up in the morning and just touch the accelerator to hear this baby purr beneath my feet. Having said that, it may just be that I'm going through a bit of a mid-life crisis and it would be cars that would take my eye instead of too-young-women.

Thinking again, I don't think there's really ever been anyone other than Bella. Tanya was just after the fame and her career had taken a better turn in the beginning so the media seemed to think it was perfect. I guess I was happy to settle then, when I didn't know what I could have had. Though I'd never fully committed adultery against Tanya, I'd had my fair share of opportunities and wants. I'd danced, courted and kissed other women but never like she thought. I knew she suspected every woman we passed in the street to have been one of my lovers at some point, but that was never true.

I pulled into my designated parking bay next to my fathers, completely forgetting how I managed to get there. I checked myself in the mirror—not out of vanity but my scanty memory—before getting out of the car and making for the door. It had been a couple days since I'd really bothered about work so today was going to really take an effort.

Having walked straight through reception not really paying attention I was shocked with all the stares I got when I got onto the office flour that I wanted. I had no idea what was going on so in a management role I commanded everyone back to work, before continuing on to Carlisle's office. He would know what's going on.

"Dad? What's with the employment here?" I gave an awkward laugh, looking back over my shoulder to see everyone duck back down behind their desks.

"Take it you haven't looked at the covers lately? You've made the front page again." He handed me the magazine closest to him. "Maybe you should make your meetings with Bella somewhere less open, after all the press aren't aware of your divorce yet"

I couldn't believe what I was seeing; pictures of Bella and I in the park, at 'Bella Italia', at the mall with Carl. She wasn't going to be happy with me for this, especially the headline being _'__Cullen__'__s change of house and home as lovely wife Tanya is replaced by local woman and love child__'_

"Dad, this ruins everything. She's not going to reason now! She's always hated the press. What am I going to do?"

"Son it's only just nine o'clock, call her."

"And say what? Don't go outside your house for the next couple weeks as you're being watched? She's going to hate me; where's my chance now?"

"Bella isn't that fickle—she never has been—so just reason with her. Explain."

"Dad, this isn't just some girl who's getting into a new frame of life."

"Call her." With that final statement he walked away.

I pulled out my pone and started to dial her number. At first I didn't get an answer so I thought I may have dialed it wrong so I tried again. Still no answer. I thought I'd try Alice's cell, they still seemed to be really close.

"Hello?" After the third tone, her voice rang in my ear. I also heard Bella in the back ground cursing her for answering her cell whilst driving—she was quickly turning into her dad.

"Alice thank God. Have you seem the covers?"

"No, what's up?"

"It's me and Bella all over them. They're hating on her, calling her the other woman and Carl our illegitimate love child. I don't know what to do. I think I'm falling for her all over again and this is going to ruin it!"

"Calm down, its okay, where we're going we won't see any, and I can find some way around this, though you'll have to mention it today. I've got to go; driving on the phone whilst sat next to a cop isn't half as fun as it should be. Bye"

"Bye." The line went dead. So now all's I had to do was find a way of explaining over coffee. That on top of everything else.

I decided to bury myself in work, telling my assistant to let me know when it was one o'clock. She smiled and scurried. In a week everything had turned. I'd filed for a divorce, fallen for my high school girlfriend, become a father and hit the headlines for all the wrong reasons. Yet it was all just beginning; would it get worse before it got any better?

Before I knew it my assistant came running through the door.

"Sir I'm so sorry. There was an emergency on the third floor with one of the printers and the deadline and then the elevator got stuck, but its ten past one. Sir I'm so sorry, I tried paging you but it ran out of battery. It seems the day has turned against me."

"It's ten past one?"

"Well nearly quarter past now."

"Okay, thanks, take a long lunch." I grabbed my jacket off the back of the seat and ran for the stairs—seeing as the elevator was down I wasn't going to waste more time. Once again I was grateful for the Porsche.

I pulled onto forty-Third Street just to see Bella from the corner. Would this be better in public or could I find some way of distracting her. Pulling the car along side her, I rolled the window down and leaned across.

"Bella?"

"Oh hi Edward, looking for a space? There's a few down the end, I could go on and get the coffee?"

"Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to go somewhere else. I think it would be easier to talk somewhere less public." She took a moment to consider then got into the car unphased.

"I have to call Alice then; we're shopping and she is waiting for me to catch up with her."

"Sure use my cell"

I tuned out whilst she called Alice, only catching bits that I couldn't help. She explained that we were no longer just going to Starbucks so could she take her shopping back with herself and she'd meet her at their house later. To me that meant she was planning on spending more than an hour with me. Carlisle would know where I am so there was no point in calling him too. I'd tell him about it later.

I carried on driving until we were completely out of town, finally arriving at a little boat house that I knew had been abandoned. This would be quiet, alone and romantic. I didn't want us to get caught up in the headlines that we forgot why I actually wanted to speak to her. I pulled the blanket from the trunk that I had left in there from my previous car, then took her hand and walked down to the water edge.

She pulled her hand away and crossed her arms, keeping her self focused on where she was stepping. I took my chance. Stepping twice to get ahead of her I turned to face her straight on.

"Bella, I want to hold your hand, I want to hold you, I want to know Carl, and I want to make everything right. Most of all I want you to want me to hold you and to make you safe again." It came out so fast that I wasn't sure she'd heard me or not.

"Edward." She looked to the ground and started to fiddle with her fingers. I tilted her chin up to face me. I needed to see what was behind her eyes; I could always tell what she was really thinking that way. "I don't know if I can…so much has changed and I have responsibilities now. I want you in Carl's life, if it's what he wants but I'm scared. I married Jacob because he knew me, that didn't turn out the best and look how we ended in college."

"That's why I'm here now. I want to make things up to you. I want to prove to you that what we could have is worth it."

"What about Carl?"

"I'm his dad, what else is there to say? I'm going to provide for him, be there for him and love him. But that doesn't change how I feel for you."

"I don't know what to say. I want all this too, but I don't want what goes with it; the pain, the disappointment, the unsettling feeling. After everything that's happened I don't know that I'm strong enough to deal with so much at once right now."

"Then how about we start with a date?"

"Okay, but I want Carl to understand everything first."

"I want to take Carl out somewhere, have some guy time to get to know him."

"If that's what he wants."

That was all I needed I stepped aside and took her hand again, only this time she didn't hesitate and withdraw. Throwing the blanket onto the floor we both sat down to watch the water flow. I knew that I needed to tell her about the headlines but I wanted this moment to last a bit longer.

After lying in the sun for what felt like most of the afternoon, Bella's stomach gurgled so we decided to make our way back to her place to get some food. Once we were in the car again I knew I had to tell her before the media went any further and there was no easy was of doing it. I stole a brief glance at Bella in her serenity, just to make a mental note before crushing it.

"Bells?"

"Yeah?" The smile behind her eyes

"There was something else I needed to speak to you about."

"Shoot"

"Well I've been really hoping that nothing like this would happen because it's not fair on anyone, but the Media has become involved."

"What do you mean?"

"Well I moved here with Tanya, and then I'm seen shopping with you and Carl."

"Oh, the media thinks I'm the other woman" I could almost see the cogs turning in her head, yet the expression on her face wasn't changing. "Why haven't you announced your divorce yet then?"

"Because it hasn't been finalized, its only been a couple of weeks and her lawyers are playing rough. She signed a pre-nub and now they're trying to get money from me."

"Oh of course, I'm sorry."

"Bells, you're all over the covers. Aren't you mad?"

"It's not your fault. I knew you were a focus of the media. I guess this just makes things more complicated with Carl."

"It doesn't change me wanting to know him, and it certainly doesn't change how I feel about you."

"Then we'll find a way around it. Carl's the main focus here. As long as the media doesn't hurt him then it can't hurt me."

"You've grown so much."

"That's kind of condescending."

"You're right, but what you going to do?" She opened the door and made her way to her house. Letting herself in the door, she carried on in without a glance back—I almost felt my heart sink.

I stared after her for a few more moments, before finally restarting the engine. I looked around to check my blind spots to see her face poking back out the door.

"Aren't you coming in?"


End file.
